To Love A King

20

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"Is it not strange? So terribly and utterly strange to live like this?" she asks.

"It is a prospect I suppose, dear Rose."

Her eyes alight with a sort of aching happiness.

"Is it not strange Lillian?" she says again.

I nod my head, "Yes, yes. It is strange Rose."

"But isn't it beautiful?"

Looking in her eyes I know, "It is but the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced."

But my throat was tightening as I whisper, "I'm glad to have existed here with you," and as I said it I knew things as beautiful as this, as beautiful as her, were not long here.

But I clung to her anyways.

And it ruined me. And I would do it over and over and over again if I were to just see her once more.

+++

"What are you thinking girl?" Anula's voice is sharp.

I quickly wipe away my tears before she can notice. Nothing seems quite right. An ache in my chest so painful nearly gapes open.

"I'm thinking I'm far too hungry to be listening to you right now." I snap back. Not the time is what I want to growl out.

"Do you want to become queen or no?"

My eyes snap to hers. They are cold.

"I might say I don't know what I want."

"And I might say you are correct. Stupid girl. You want to become queen. Trust me. What you seek will only show itself in time. Within this time."

"What I seek? You know nothing of what I seek."

"You must think of me the stupid one if you think I don't know what you yearn for." her voice had never sounded so wicked.

"You are a miserable girl Lillian."

"One may say I've lived a miserable life."

"Not miserable enough if you're still standing here."

"Or maybe just miserable enough I'm standing here." When all I love has been ripped away. When I am all that is left of the people I once cherished. 

"Is it not misery in its own right that I'm alone, in a world where all beauty is lost and violence is the only thing we know."

"You're not strong at all if you only have violence to turn to."

I turn my back on her.

"Then call me weak. Call me the weakest of them all, witch."

+++

The forest is cooling down. 

Anula and I sit side by side.

"You are not weak Lillian."

I laugh and I swear a crow caws back.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that Anula."

"You are not a kind spirit though."

"I could've been."

"You shouldn't let them change you like that. I know you are angry child. I know what they have done to you. But don't let it destroy you. You have a chance at power, use it. Use it for something better then the rest have"

I run my tongue across my teeth before answering her, "And what if I were to tell you that it already has? That I'm already destroyed, rotting from the inside out."