The One Who Got Away

Chapter 22

He never made it back to the bench. He sank on his knees right where he was standing and cried, cried like he had never cried before. He didn't realize that he was already lying on his side with his knees curled up as he cried until he felt a gentle pair of hands lift his head. It was Dara. She cradled his head on her lap and patted him on the back.

"You thought I left, right? You didn't want me to see you cry?" From the sound of her voice, he knew she was crying, too. He didn't answer. There was no need to.

"I just left to call the station that I couldn't come in today." She told him, her hand now absently stroking her fingers through his hair. "Let it all out, Ji. The pain's not going anywhere soon but crying helps. It helped me." He thought he couldn't cry any harder but he did. He bawled like a baby. After quite some time he finally sat up. "I didn't want you to see me like this." His voice was now more nasal than ever, his eyes were red and puffy and black tear tracks were all over his face.

Dara laughed slightly at him through her tears. "No wonder because even The G-Dragon looks ugly when he cries. You should see for yourself." She fumbled for her compact and handed it to him. To say that G-Dragon looked pretty when he cries would be a colossal lie. There was one chink in his armour after all.

"That's one reason why men shouldn't wear eyeliner." She pointed to his reflection on the mirror.

She scrounged up some wet facial wipes from her bag and started wiping his face clean. "And you said you didn't need a babysitter." She murmured as she scrubbed at the goo on his face. He gently grabbed her hand and pulled it down on to his lap.

"Where? Where is he? Or her?" He asked.

"That's what made it difficult for me to have some form of closure. There was nothing for us to bury, Ji. They called our baby a specimen. They had to send it to a lab, they said. That time it felt even more surreal. Mom and Dad..." Her eyes started to water again but she continued talking. "They didn't say it but I saw the relief on their faces when they found out that there was no body to bury. Less talk. Less explanations. Minimal embarrassment."

His grip tightened on her hand. He should have been there for her. He kept on thinking that as she told him what happened then. "When they got me out of the hospital they made me see a psychiatrist for therapy. I was a mess, you see. I didn't talk at home. I didn't want to talk to them because they seem to want to forget what happened."

"I wanted to shout at them that I lost a baby. That they lost their grandchild but I didn't have the guts to say it to their face. I have never rebelled against them before. My silence at our home was my first rebellion. But it came to a point that the silence became too much to bear. The house felt like a mausoleum. It felt as if I was being buried alive and I couldn't breathe. I asked my therapist if it would be good for me to move out. He suggested to my parents that a change of environment might help."

She breathed deeply before continuing. "They grabbed at it like a lifeline. They facilitated my transfer to another place and another university. I guess they didn't know what to do with me anymore. I was like a ghost in their house that they couldn't wait to exorcise."

He hugged her to his side. "Things didn't go back to how we were before after that. I rarely see them now. They went to my graduation but it just felt awkward between us like we were strangers and we were just going through the motions."

"I should have been there with you, Dee. I'm sorry for being an ass. For leaving you." He told her.

"Don't blame yourself, Ji. I spent years blaming myself and I admit there were times I was blaming you, too. But trust me. The blame game? It doesn't work. It's not going to change things." She told him.

"Tell me. What would you have done if you were there, huh? Scream Fxxk like you did just now?" She said lightly at him. "The world would be a different place now if you knew about what happened then. Big Bang might not be the same now. The world might have lost their G-Dragon. It was hard going through it alone but don't castigate yourself for not being there. It was my stupid choice not to tell you so it was only right that I had to suffer years for that. I got served but I'm happier and stronger now."

They hugged each other tight after that.  Jiyong swore he wouldn't ever let her go after this. He would be there for her in every moment. He would stand by her through all the sadness, joy, disgust, anger and fear. His hug tightened as he swore to himself that.
They said love is love is love and there is no less or more with it. If someone told Jiyong that he would argue against that because right there in that moment, on that rooftop where they thought they had ended years before, Jiyong felt his love for Dara even grow more and more.

Dara inhaled his scent. Her grip on him tightened. She was thankful that she was given the courage to stay this time. Because she realized she would have missed out on this. For the first time in years, she felt something in his hug that she hadn't felt before. His hug felt like home. She was going to stay this time because home is where your heart is and six years ago on this rooftop she had left hers on the arms of the man she's holding now.

"I haven't told you I love you, right?" She said to him.

He silently shook his head. "Well, I love you, Kwon Jiyong."

He smiled widely at her words. "Well, I love you more, Sandara Park."

After an eternity spent hugging each other they finally let go and looked into each others eyes. "What do we do now?" They spoke simultaneously.

They chuckled at each other's words. Her hand brushed against his. His fingers became entangled with hers. They glanced in each other's eyes and without saying anything more walked inside hand in hand, uncertain of the future but definitely sure with each other.