The One Who Got Away

Chapter 42

Dara sat on the rooftop bench. She was on the mood to be nostalgic today. The shifting colors of the sinking sun painted an ever changing masterpiece across the evening sky. On her side was TamTam, quietly lying on top of a cardboard box that suspiciously looked like the box where Bom hid GD's picture and other whatnots.

As the sunset scene quietly faded into night, the night lamps on the rooftop switched on. Dara sighed then reached to her side for TamTam only to encounter another hand. A lean but strong, warm hand. She turned her head to check with her eyes that her sense of touch was not just deceiving her.

A smiley tattooed hand was grasping hers and TamTam. She smiled and looked up. "You're squishing TamTam," she said quietly as she stared at their hands.

"No, I'm not. You are." She looked down at their hands again and only then realized that she was now giving his hand and TamTam's arm a death squeeze. She loosened her grip and he turned his hand to entwine her fingers with his.

"You're here." It was both a statement and a question.

"Yes. I'm here." He gave her hand a squeeze. "And I'm here to stay. I'm not going away again."

Dara finally looked him in the eyes. His brown orbs were swimming in a thin film of unshed tears. His free hand swiped at his eyes.

"I promised myself that no matter what happened I'm going to be with you for all your September firsts. I wasn't with you eight years ago and the next seven that followed. But when I found out how I have let you down eight years ago I promised myself I won't ever let you suffer through the memory of this day -- of losing our baby -- again on your own. But my demons...they kept telling me otherwise. That I couldn't possibly give you the comfort you need when I can't even control my own emotional demons. That's why I had to go away first, so I can find the strength to stay and not run away from whatever emotional storm I face."

Dara was about to say something but Jiyong stopped her with a finger on her lips. "Let me finish first, please. That's what I do. I run away from my emotions with drink, with smoking, with parties, with girls, with the crowd, with fame, with work, with music. I use all these distractions so I won't have the time and energy to think and feel everything that's going on inside my head. I even used you. But I realized I have to grapple with everything on my own without the distractions that's why I felt the need to let go of everything for a while and struggle on my own."

Dara stood up and stood in front of Jiyong. "I need my hand back, Ji." She smilingly said as she pointedly stared at their joined hands. When he let go. She smoothed his hair back and cupped his face with her hands. They stared into each other's eyes for a second that seemed like forever.

"I understand, Ji. Other people may scream and shout at you for being the bad guy who got away and left me on my own but I won't. I also needed the space to struggle with my own emotional dragons. I just didn't have the guts to do the "bad" thing and cut the rope. For years I had used your leaving me as an excuse to not move on and continue living my life. I had to own up to the fact that I had remained stagnant not because you left me but because I was scared to fail because I was using the excuse that if you and my parents who supposedly loved me left me then there's no reason why the fickle limelight wouldn't' when in reality it was me who couldn't love myself. I had to learn to love myself apart from whatever love I'm getting from the outside world...apart from you. The past eight years had slowly taught me that...to love myself in spite of and because of everything that had happened. If no one left me I wouldn't have been able to realize that. I was only lately able to realize that I am strong and that I could love myself even without the affirmation of the outside world."

They both looked into each other's eyes for another eternity, tears streaming silently off both their eyes. Jiyong stood up and gathered her into his arms, resting his chin on top of her head.

"I love you, Sandara Park. Emotional dragons and all. It will only be you from now on. I'm never intentionally going away from you again. If someday you find yourself wanting to go away from everything like I did then tell me because no matter how hard it is I'll be giving you the same privilege you gave me. I'll let you go for a while but I'm going to go and get you back all the same." He smiled through his tears.

She distanced herself slightly from him to look him in the eye. "I love you, Kwon Jiyong, my number one emotional dragon. I'm going to continue loving you and your emotional demons for always."

Their heads slowly inched towards each other when a voice called out from the door to the rooftop coldly interrupting the romantic scene. "If you're not out in five minutes I'm locking you out." The door slammed shut right after.

They both chuckled. "How did he know that we're both up here?" Dara mused.

Jiyong chuckled. "He knows everything inside this building. He was the one who told me where you were. The moment I stepped inside the building my phone rang and he was telling me to get my butt up here and take care of my girl or else he'd find someone else who will. He's friends with DongHae's dad he said before dropping the call without a goodbye." He told Dara.

"That makes him sort of our grumpy fairy godfather, in that case." Dara mused.

They both laughed and hurriedly gathered their stuff up and went walking hand in hand towards the stairwell before their boss goes back up and lock the both of them out.