➵ yoongi
my eyes were wide as i glanced all around me, tall, thick pine trees looming above, bright sunlight shining through the cracks in the foliage. birds chirped atop branches, singing songs to one another that echoed through the forest. aside from that, the only sounds came from my shoes as i walked, cracking twigs under my step.
"hyung!"
i turned my head in search of the voice that had called, but i saw no one. confused, i started walking towards the direction the voice had come from. "hello?" i called out. "is anyone there?"
"yoongi hyung! save me!"
this time, unmistakably, i recognized the voice of my brother. panic rising in me, i began running. i pushed past overgrown shrubs and bushes, low-lying branches scraping my legs as i moved. "yoonho! i'm coming!"
i stopped running as i came to the shore of a river. i looked left and right, but i didn't see yoonho anywhere.
"yoonho! where are you?" i yelled, jogging up the side of the waterway.
"hyung!"
i whipped around to see my brother stuck under a fallen tree trunk, water slapping at him as he thrashed around, trying to break free. "i'm coming, stay there!" he was on the opposite side of the river as me, which meant i'd have to cross the rushing currents if i wanted to get across. i took a deep breath and waded in. the water wasn't that high, although it got deeper in the middle of the river. but the currents were strong, and i grabbed hold of the tree for support. yoonho's eyes were wide with fear as he watched me get closer. i was nearly there, just a few more feet....
i reached out a hand for him to grab, but before he did, everything changed.
suddenly he wasn't in a river, but the passenger seat of my car, slumped over the dashboard. blood ran down the side of his face, his lifeless face.... one of his eyes was still half-open as he took shallow breaths, looking right at me.
"you didn't save me," he uttered before his eye shut and a last breath escaped his mouth.
"no! yoonho, come back! i'm so sorry!" i cried out as flashlights shined into the vehicle.
"min yoongi, you're under arrest for driving under the influence and manslaughter," a police officer said as he pulled me out of the car, slapping handcuffs onto my wrists.
"no! i didn't kill my brother!" i screamed, thrashing in the officer's hold, "i didn't kill him! i–"
i sat up, chest heaving and sweat covering my entire body. after a quick glance around, i realized i was in my hotel room in seoul. it had been only a dream. but what a vivid dream it was...
i sighed, crossing my legs and resting my chin in the palm of my hand. there was no way i was going back to sleep after that. my mind was racing, far too restless for sleep. my thoughts unintentionally drifted to the many times i would as a child climb into yoonho's bed after a nightmare. the warm touch of my little brother always comforted me enough to fall back asleep back then.
but now what was i to do? i'd killed my brother. he was gone. he'd never be here to wrap his arms tightly around me again, or scare away the monsters under the bed for me. he'd never again help me tie my tie when i still couldn't do it despite our father showing me countless times. he'd never again ward off the bullies at school, never help me with my homework, never stay up with me on school nights watching shows we weren't allowed to watch at only 12 years old.
i was shaken out of my memories by something wet dripping onto my leg. when i looked down, i realized i'd started crying thinking about yoonho. hurriedly i wiped the tears off my cheeks and took a shaky breath. i couldn't think about him now. i needed to start fresh.
leaping out of the bed i strode over to my open suitcase in the corner of the room, sat on top of the desk. after rummaging through it for a moment i pulled out sweat pants and my running shoes. what i needed to clear my mind right now, was a good run.
the early morning air was a welcome change from the stuffy hotel air. a slight breeze swirled around me as i began jogging, keeping me cool despite the nice summer weather. my feet hitting the ground was the only sound to be heard all around, just a constant tap-tap-tap on the asphalt.
i pushed all thoughts of my brother from my mind and quickened my pace, legs pumping me further down the street as i ran from my problems for the second time.
***
"thanks so much for letting me move in so soon," i said as jimin held the door for me as i pulled my suitcase behind me.
he blushed, his head down. "oh, it's no problem. i was getting lonely, so you know, it'll be nice to have company." we walked toward the waiting taxi, which jimin had come to the hotel in.
"so, you sure packed light," jimin commented to break the silence. i coughed, trying to cover up my reaction to the innocent comment. he probably hadn't meant anything by it but all i could think about how painful it had been to leave my family and everything i'd ever known.
thankfully we arrived beside the taxi then, and i avoided giving him an answer by talking to the driver as i gave him my suitcase. but of course that only lasted a few minutes before i had to get in and sit with jimin. as i climbed in the backseat he gave me a look that said, 'i know you're avoiding the question and i call bullshit' i looked away from his watching eyes and down at my lap, fiddling with my fingers.
"look, i'm not going to force you to tell me anything, but know that i will not ever judge you and i'm here to listen if you wanna talk," jimin assured me, a worried smile on his lips. i nodded, swallowing hard as i looked out the window as we pulled away from the hotel where i'd spent the last two nights, and towards the house where i'd finally begin a new life.
