Never Let Me Go (Camren/Norminah)

Chapter 22: Lost

"We are forlorn like children, and experienced like old men. We are crude and sorrowful and superficial — I believe we are lost."

Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet on the Western Front

***

"Lauren, I'm really worried about you." Camila said quietly, looking at the paper plate she had left on the girl's nightstand and scowling at the mess of whipped cream and soggy Oreo cookie it had melted down into. The room was damp and smelled like clean laundry and shampoo, but there had still been no above-ground movement from it's inhabitant. "You're not eating, you're barely getting out of bed, you need to see the sun at least once this week or you're going to turn into a vampire."

The curled up ball under the mass of covers didn't move, but her shoulders continued to rise and fall slowly. Camila sighed, backing up and sitting down on the carpet. "Lauren... please." She found herself nearly begging. "Whatever you want me to say or do, I'll agree to it as long as we can fix this. I can't stand to see you this way."

The brunette watched sadly as there was no movement from the bed. She knew that if Lauren did have it in her to utter as much as word into the open air, it would sound like something along the lines of go away. Looking around, Camila rose briefly to shuttle everything from the nightstand into a white garbage bag, tying it at the top and tossing it into the can that was tucked by the far corner of the room. She reassumed her place on the ground, eventually going from a soft lean against the wall to a lazy stretch out down the length of carpet. Lauren never moved, and for some time Camila assumed she had fallen asleep.

"Okay... I'm just going to talk." The girl continued, looking up at the ceiling. "I mean... that's sort of all I've been doing every time I come down here, and I bet you're pretty sick of me, but— whatever." Camila rolled onto her side. "I don't really know how to be in a relationship Lauren." She continued. "I guess I pretended like I did, and for a minute there I had everyone fooled... but I'm not like you. I don't know how to do it, and even when I try I'm no good at it." She felt a rush of emotions, trying to keep her voice level and the moisture behind her eyeballs. "And I know all of this is my fault, you didn't deserve to go through anything you did, and I hate myself for it... but I really want to make this right. I'm not going to pretend I didn't fuck up, because I did... but—"

Camila cut herself off when a hint of movement sparked from the bed, Lauren's shoulders rolling into a quick tense. Getting up, the girl stepped over and sat cautiously on the edge of the mattress. "Lauren?"

She was awake, still turned on her side and facing the wall, but Camila could tell that she had been listening. There was a shining layer of moisture over what green the brunette could see, but no visible tears.

"Hey..." The Cuban felt her heart start pounding faster. "Whatever you want right now, you've got it. I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere."

The green eyed girl seemed to relax, the muscles in her arms loosening and the cast that covered her injured hand tapping against the wall. "From now on, it's love only." She continued as if the conversation wasn't nearly as one sided as she was making it seem. "No more pain, no more hospitals, or ambulances, or horrible things said on my part. I'm really bad at practicing what I preach, but I'm going to try harder."

To her complete shock, Lauren shifted against the mattress and turned over onto her other shoulder, green eyes shimmering with emotion and chest rising and falling ever so slowly. Camila smiled, feeling her own emotions start to dominate as she snuggled down against the pillow and closed her eyes. Suddenly the melted Oreos didn't matter nearly as much, and the unyielding guilt was starting to subside in her chest. Lauren may not have said a word, but the look on her face was so precious that it spoke miles.