Love's Requiem (ENG)

Chapter 11 : Lose you tonight

"I was waiting for you Waiting for all my life And I'm gonna Lose you tonight"

HIM – Lose You Tonight

- Damn, I don't even know who that guy is, but if he told you it was not a good idea, then it's a very bad idea.

Jim spoke quietly, with a deep voice. They let the words echo in the cold morning air, between some distant birds singing and the muffled sound of the street coming from the open door to the garden. They were facing each other at Kim's dining table, bathed in the white light of the early hours reflecting on the bleached walls of the vast, bright room.

- And why ?... She muttered, knowing too well what he was going to say. She felt like an ignorant girl being scolded.

- You just won't have the time. You have an album to record, then what? You'll be on the road, doing interviews, away all the time...

She was a bit surprised he was not mentioning the fact that it could ruin her career. Her brother was more concerned about the fact that she would pursue it anyways. Things were suddenly clearer.

- I don't care about all that. I'll take the time. I can afford to take care of this child regardless of...

- Of what ? You can fill your goddamn pool with money, Kim, but you'll barely be there, don't be stupid. A child needs two parents. You and I both know that better than anyone.

She clenched her teeth and her fist on the table. A failed attempt at not showing her brother that he had hurt her, mentioning their mess of a family. Kim still looked at Jim straight in the eyes, her own filled with a mix of anger and doubt. But in spite of this, Kim decided that she would not let Jim, or Ville, or anyone else tell her that she could not have it all.

***

- Is it today ? Asked Rose

- Yes.

Kim had tried to hide, leaving her house at odd hours to avoid paparazzi. She refused to confirm her pregnancy. Then she could not hide anymore. So she refused to confirm Ville was the father. She locked herself up in her music room, composing, or in John's studio, recording demos. But all this time, she thought of him. She hoped Ville would come back. That he would think about her somehow. Kim had left Ville plenty of time. Now she was done. She was fed up. She would come out and tell the truth. The interview would be lead by a respected rock blogger she and John personally knew. No traditional press, they had hurt her enough with their rumors.

Rose hugged her sister, knowing how hard it was for her to confront this. But it was for the best, maybe she would find a bit of peace. Or at least calm the press and the rumors down, so their house and their street could be quiet again, without all these vultures trying to steal a picture or a word from the singer. Kim was grateful for this silent support.

Mae Wesson, a tall, black woman, a Guns N Roses t-shirt with black ripped off jeans and matching pair of Converse, pushed back her dark glasses on her nose as if she were the one to be interviewed. Kim looked nothing like her usual part, in her white empire dress, covering her to her feet. The singer watched them from afar. Mae was making John's son laugh, in his father's arms. Kim could not help but feel her heart sink a little, as she knew her own child would probably never have the chance of sharing such moments. She still joined the merry group, pasting a smile on her face.

Kim and John sat with Mae on his patio by the beach, on Ocean Front Walk and started chatting.

- When is it due ? asked Mae

- What ? The album ? Or ? answered Kim, confused.

- Well, both then if you don't mind the question.

- Well actually both were due this summer. I have no doubt the baby will be here next month, but for the album I can definitely say that it won't. But as I usual I have a lot of ideas so I have to work on them now, you know, when it's still fresh in my mind somehow...

- Yeah and we'll have more time to perfect them, work on them later... added John. Probably will be another year before any album is out actually. Because then we'll have to tour it obviously. The label is ok with the baby break but after that you still have to earn them money.

- So this "baby break" wasn't exactly planned... Mae dropped, inquisitively.

Kim shifted on her sit, visibly uneasy. She knew Mae was throwing her a line.

- Well... Yeah, it wasn't... But you know how things are in this line of work. Nothing is stable, nothing lasts. It all can end any minute, whether it's poor album sales, empty venues during a tour, band splitting up or whatever... And this job also makes it hard for us to keep a stable relationship so... I thought that maybe it was my only chance... At motherhood... Maybe I wouldn't have any other occasion. I really wanted to go with it. Whatever the cost. Cause fame will not last so I might as well start a family now, since I can afford it. And a family is something that will last. I am just sorry Ville does not want to be part of it.

***

Kim was drained. Trying to keep it together during this interview had left her empty. She took off her shoes and just dropped them, abandoned them where they fell, in the sand. She was alone on the beach, she did not care. She needed this moment by herself, almost in the dark, just after the sun had disappeared behind the horizon.

Kim walked in no direction, almost stumbled, eyes closed, fidgeting her car keys . She would not cry, not now. Not anymore. She had said her last words, it was over.

Her eyes reopened at that thought, and she was not alone on the beach anymore.