Poisonous Thoughts💔

The First Break

He had acted as if everything was fine that day, he held her hand, kissed her cheek, hugged her. She had no clue that inside, his thoughts were roiling and black, threatening to overtake his being. He tried to be normal, for her. There was no other girl he felt this way about, save one, years ago. Sometimes when he had her in his arms he imagines another girl, whose long blond hair still haunted his memories. She could see the storm in his eyes, but ignored it. She was good at that, ignoring warning signs.He walked her out to the bus, as she described the latest encounter with someone who tried to convince her he was no good. As they reached her stop, she turned, expecting the usual kiss. But instead, she was met with these words "I'm sorry doll, I'm going to have to break your heart. We're done." And she audibly gasped, being able to feel her heart breaking. She had never felt this level of pain before . She was so focused on her own turmoil that she didn't see the pain in his eyes as well. She turned and climbed the steps, fighting back tears. This was a new world for her. She had never known that someone could make her feel this way.

He heard her gasp, saw her eyes brim with tears. He had hurt her, he knew. But he wasn't good for her, he had to let her go. He was saving her. But destroying himself in the process. He watched her retreating form, and turned and walked away. He spent the ride home in silence, wondering if he had really been saving her, or protecting himself. His thoughts flashed back to the blond girl, to the pain he had inflicted on her and her on him. That's when he had blocked out emotion. He had decided that he was never going to have a relationship again. He turned to smoking and meaningless flings. But he was never happy, not until he met the small brunette holding another boy's hand. She was so bright, so happy, even with her belonging to another she gave him purpose. He started living to see her gray eyes look up at him from her smiling face. She was different, in a good way. She didn't change herself for him, but he could tell she was falling. Her eyes were her tell, she looked at him and he saw raw emotion, adoration even. And he knew it was reflected in his face. He had won the girl, but taken away her happiness in just a sentence. Once again... he contemplated. Was he saving her, or protecting himself?