Poisonous Thoughts💔

Walls

Have you ever been just so done with life that you feel numb? Not even numb, but hollow? In this age people don't know what it's like to love truly, or most people anyway. It's not just boys, either. They sleep together and then never talk again, or play with each other's feelings until one breaks. And the people that love too deeply are the weak ones. It's sad when loving someone becomes a weakness. When the only escape is to shut down, and even that's not really an escape. You mark your arms and hips, thighs, causing one pain to escape another. But sometimes that doesn't work, and when that doesn't work... that's when the break-downs happen. When you sit on the floor of the bathroom, blade in hand, crying and tearing your hair. Wondering if it's still worth it to be here. Because oftentimes even the emotional people's hearts get played with, they start to think poorly of themselves. They start to think "Maybe  I'm not worth anything. Maybe I'm just disposable " because that is what they've been taught. That they mean nothing. And knowing you mean nothing to anyone is a horrible feeling. I once thought that people cared. The curly-haired girl I used to spend every weekend with? Gone. The girl with the faded green hair? Gone. They all left. Everyone leaves eventually. I've learned that. The boy with the poison-green eyes who promised to love me forever? Gone. One thing I've learned... love isn't worth it. It gets you hurt. It destroys you. I built up walls around my heart before high school, and all those walls were apparently flimsy and didn't stand. But now I've built them to last. I won't get hurt again.