Poisonous Thoughts💔

Lost

I let it go on too long. Three weeks he kept me under his spell. Sneaking in at night, whispering pretty words, and leaving again, making me feel like it was all a dream. One night.... I challenged his thoughts and words, feeling particularly bold, as I knew for the moment he wouldn't go anywhere. He was getting what he wanted.
"I love you." He said.
"Do you though? Because if you loved me, we wouldn't be in this situation. You wouldn't be denying it when we both walk into school looking like zombies and everyone knows what happened but you deny it anyway. That's not love. You're saying you love me because you're thinking with your dick." I whisper-shouted at him. He thought over my words for a minute, but I don't think they stuck.
Because today... today was awful. It started out good... him pulling me on his lap, making jokes and walking to class with me. Him standing behind me at my locker, biting my ear, keeping one arm around my waist while moving the other over my ass, determined to tease me as much as possible. Whispering that he loved me. What I didn't know is that he was telling another girl these words. The blonde girl. The one I loved and he was using. When the end of the day came.... he told us both he was done. He told me he didn't care if I lived or died.
And our only comfort was each other. He used our weaknesses against us, our vulnerabilities. Made us believe we were special. Until we were both in the same spot with blades in our hand and tears in our eyes. We feel like we are worth nothing, because time and time again this boy has taught us that we are dispensable. We are noting more than toys to him.
Her and I have no one else to stay for. So I'll stay for her. And hope he doesn't come back.
He will never understand what he did, because he wasn't there to see the dead look in my eyes as I drew across my wrist. It became pretty pictures... first I imagined it as a heart, but hearts stand for love, and love doesn't exist. So the heart died, as mine did when he said he didn't want me, cut up by flashes of silver. He will never understand what he did until he sees me go from bawling to a blank look, sitting on my bathroom counter.