Rayne and Alex

Chapter 23

Rayne

The second that the door shuts in my mom's face, I grab Alex by the hand and walk him to the small little bench that is right by the living room window. Alex looks confused but doesn't ask me any questions. When we sit down, I keep his hand in mine and hold it in my lap. I take a very deep breath before I speak.

"I'm so sorry," I tell him sincerely. I sigh and rub my eyes with the balls of my hands.

Alex gives me a small smirk and chuckles softly. He shakes his head and says, "It was definitely... interesting."

I groan and bury my head into his shoulder. "It was so, so awful."

Alex snorts and when I lift my head to glare at him he immediately schools his features. "Sorry."

I lean my head back and look up at the ceiling as I speak, "I feel like I need to explain things to you."

"No, no. You don't have to do that, Rayne," Alex protests.

"Darren is an ex of mine," I say anyway. He may not want to hear it, but I want him to know it. My past has made me, well, me.

Alex nods, "I assumed. But, babe, you don't need to explain anything to me."

"I want to," I reply honestly. Before Alex can say anything, I keep speaking. "He was my first boyfriend. Well, not my first boyfriend. I'd had two before him but they weren't really serious, you know? They were just short fling type things and-"

"Rayne," Alex whispers. "You're rambling."

I feel my face heat and I nod, "Sorry." I continue, "Darren wasn't really the best guy... He's the one who introduced me to drinking, let me dabble in drugs a little bit... um, took my virginity. I wasn't ready at the time. I was just about to turn fifteen and we'd been seeing each other for only a few weeks before that. He was nineteen and had convinced me that sex was just a thing everyone did, especially if they were in a relationship. Anyway, eventually he convinced me into having sex without condoms. He said they annoyed him. He said they made sex less pleasurable."

I pause and take a moment to catch my breath. I laugh when I catch Alex raising an eyebrow at me. "Yes, I know, it's stupid. Long story short, we played with fire for a long time before I realized one day that my period was super late. I was sixteen at the time. I freaked out, thinking I was pregnant. Turned out it was just stress from school, but it was enough to scare the shit of me and my mom."

When I finish, Alex is staring at me with thoughtful eyes. "Wow," he says. "This Darren guy sounds like a dick."

I laugh loudly, "That he was."

We stay silent for a few moments. Alex speaks up first.

"What happened with you guys?"

I bite my lip and fiddle with my hair before I explain. "He took me to a party one day. It wasn't anything big. It was just a few of his friends hanging out. They got bored at one point and decided we were all just going to hang out on the streets. They brought some vodka and beers, obviously I drank some of it. I didn't really know what I was thinking when they brought a giant duffle bag, but I didn't question it. I knew we were fucked when Darren's friend opened it and there were a bunch of spray cans. They started tagging the wall and I just hung back. I knew better than to vandalize, but someone nearby saw them and called the cops on us. We were all arrested. I was let go because I wasn't tagging, but I think it's mostly because they saw I was just a kid hanging with the wrong crowd. Mom picked me up at the station." I blow out a long breath. "I didn't see Darren after that. He's serving time for the graffiti thing, but also because he was supplying alcohol to a minor."

"I hope he rots in hell," Alex grumbles.

I roll my eyes, "Don't be so dramatic. It's not like he hurt me."

"I'm not being dramatic," Alex says. "He almost got you arrested, yes, and he touched you. He touched what's mine."

I smile at my beautiful boyfriend, "I wasn't yours then, Alex. It was over a year ago."

Alex shrugs, "So?"

I laugh and lean over a kiss him. I embrace his warmth for a second and then pull away. Darren was the reason I shielded myself from ever really letting my heart go, the way most teenagers would, but I realize now that Alex already had mine in the palm of his hand.