To Try Again | Divergent (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 3

Tris POV

After lunch, Eric leads us to the dorms and explains the rankings.

He opens the door to the dormitory and says, "You chose us, now we have to choose you.

I lay in bed listening to Al sobbing. With every tear, I feel even guiltier. I should've forgiven him. No, this time, it won't happen. After I no longer hear him, I know that everyone is asleep. I get up and head to the chasm.

I make my way our spot and see Tobias sitting on the same rock that we sat on when we kissed for the first time. I walk over and sit beside him. I nuzzle my face into his chest, my safe place, and breath his scent. He wraps his arms around me, and for a while, we just stay there, silent, enjoying each other's company.

"Tris," he finally says.

I look at him. His ocean blue eyes are staring straight into my dull gray ones. "Yeah?"

"I love you so much. Please don't ever scare me like that again. I don't think I could live without you," he says and I can tell he is trying to hold back tears. I didn't know I hurt him this much.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so stupid. Or what I was thinking. I-" he cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine. It has only been a few hours since my death, but I have missed this so much. His soft lips against mine. The way we fit together like a puzzle; my hands tangled in his hair and his hands on my waist.

I don't know how long we kiss, but it has been a while, because we eventually pull away for air. "I love you, Tobias," I say. "I promise that I will never leave you like that again."

"I love you too. Now, we need to talk."

"Okay?" I say, worry evident in my voice.

"What are we going to do Tris?"

"What do you mean?"

"The war. We have to stop it. How?"

Oh that. We are silent for a while, deep in thought. "I don't know," I say finally. "But we'll figure it out. Together."

He kisses my forehead and we sit silently together, deep in the chasm. My eyelids begin to feel heavy, and I drift to sleep, wrapped in the arms of the man I love.

Tobias POV

As we sit in the chasm, all I can think about is how much I love her, and how much I don't want to loose her again. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. She kept me in Dauntless the last time around. Before she came into my life, I had no one.

I realize that she fell asleep. I sit there for a few minutes, her asleep against my chest. I want to bring her to my apartment, but I can't. So, I carefully pick her up bridal style and carry her to the dormitory.

Tris POV

When I wake up, I am in the dorms, and it takes me a minute to comprehend what is going on. Then I remember everything that has happened. I get out of bed, change, and head to the training room for my "first" day of training.

When I get there, Tobias is just beginning his speech. "The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second is how to win a fight." Tobias presses a gun into my palm and smiles at me. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to jump on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that.

"Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your performance in each stage and rank you accordingly. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult to drastically improve your rank over time."

I stare at the gun in my hand. I have gotten over my fear of shooting it, but I panic when I notice who is standing beside me. Will. I drop my gun. I can't do it.

Tobias notices and pulls me aside. "Tris, what was that?" he asks when no one else can hear us.

"I can't do it. He was right beside me," I say, tears burning behind my eyes.

"Tris, snap out of it. You are easily the best initiate here. You've done it all once. He is alive, Tris. He will stay that way. It won't happen. Okay?"

"Okay." I nod and we head back to the group.

"As I was saying," Tobias continues to the group. "We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we describe as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what..." Peter yawns, and I find myself smiling, remembering what is about to happen. "What does firing a gun have to do with... bravery?"

Tobias flips the gun in his hand and walks up to Peter. He presses the barrel to his forehead and clicks a bullet into place.

"Wake. Up," Tobias snaps. Peter's eyes widen, and he stops in the middle of a yawn. "You're holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." He removes the gun and continues walking.

"And to answer your question... you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mommy if you're prepared to defend yourself." Tobias stops at the end of the row and turns on his heel his "This is also information you may need later in stage one. So, watch me."

Tobias turns and shows how to shoot, It is so familiar to me.

I turn to my own target, and panic again when I see Will at the target next to mine. Tobias comes behind me and whispers, "It's okay. Pretend he's not there." Then he walks away.

I shoot and barely miss center of the target. I shoot four more and hit the center every time.

"Statistically speaking,' Will says, turning to look at me. "You shouldn't be able to do that without proper training."

"Beginner's luck?" I smile as convincingly as I can. He shrugs and we continue to shoot.

----------------------------------------------------

We break for lunch and I sit with Christina. She invites Al to sit with us. I really don't want him here.

"Oh, come on. You don't remember me?" Christina asks Al as she makes a sandwich. "We were in math together just a few days ago. And I am not a quiet person."

"I slept through math most of the time," Al replies. "It was the first hour!"

I think about everything that I need to fix and the list seems almost endless.

"Tris," Christina says, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "You in there?"

"What? What is it?"

"I asked if you remember ever taking a class with me," she says. " I mean, no offense, but I probably wouldn't remember if you did. All the Abnegation looked the same to me. I mean, they still do, but you're not one of them." I just stare, waiting for her to finish.

"Sorry, am I being rude?"she asks. "I'm just saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

"I think that's why our factions don't usually associate with each other," I say. That isn't what I would say now, but it's what I said before.

"Can I sit here?" asks Will, tapping the table with his finger. Great. Will and Al? Seriously?

" What, you don't want to sit with your Erudite buddies?" Christina asks. I smile at them beside each other.

"They aren't my buddies," says Will, setting his plate down." Just because we were in the same faction doesn't mean we get along. Plus, Myra and Edward are dating, and I would be like a third wheel."

As I sit with my "new" friends, I can't help but feel guilty, knowing that I am responsible for the deaths of two of them and the loss of complete happiness of the other. No, that hasn't happened yet. It won't happen. Period. I see Edward and Myra kissing from the corner of my eye.

I smile. Last time I was wondering what it would feel like to have someone else's lips on my own. I know now. I think about Tobias. I am so glad that he is here with me. Last time I asked something, but I don't remember what so I remain silent.