The City | GirlxGirl

ten ➳

Skylar stared at the blurred numbers projected on her alarm clock. The green numbers of 3:02 cast faint green shadows along the walls of her bedroom, and yet she still had difficulty with her night vision at times.

She'd been laying in bed for hours. Mind running marathons. No matter how many times she squeezed her eyes shut and willed every lingering thought out of her mind, everything came flooding back only seconds later. Her body was exhausted, but her mind was not. Half of her wanted to sleep for three days, while the other half wanted to climb Mount Everest.

Rain danced upon her bedroom windows, and at first she thought she was imagining it. With nothing else to do other than think, Skylar stood, throwing the sheets off of her and stretching momentarily. She slid in her socks towards the window.

Opening the blinds at night was always a mistake. A vibrant, orange streetlight flickered on and off throughout the entire night, and it shone precisely in Skylar's direction. If she wasn't awake before, she certainly was now.

The rain was light, and yet it hit the windows hard. Skylar, mesmerized, watched small raindrops stream down the glass. She lost herself for a moment, watching two raindrops pick up speed and eventually fall to the windowsill, completing the race her mind wished she had been running.

All Skylar wanted to do was think. That's all she needed to do. And yet, her mind complicated everything. Her thoughts were twisted together, like a knot she couldn't untie. A puzzle she couldn't finish, because the pieces were scrambled-and some were lost.

She had forgotten her cell phone at the bar. Skylar realized that the moment she stepped inside her house with Blair at her feet. Normally, she'd drop her phone and house keys into a small dish that sat on a table next to the front door. Today, she only left her keys. Her back pocket was empty.

She didn't need it. But she could use a walk to go get it.

Skylar pulled the jeans she had crawled out of only hours ago back on, along with a navy sweatshirt and grey toque. Now that the night was warm enough to rain instead of snow, she decided against wearing her heavy coat, anticipating a mass of sweat and heat by the time she reached the bar.

She tiptoed down the stairs, tiptoed through the hallway, and stepped into her shoes silently. Holding her breath. Blair would freak if she found Skylar about to leave at this time. She'd insist on coming with her, and Skylar wanted, more than anything, to be alone.

Skylar shut the door as quietly as she could behind her, and left it unlocked.

-

Always the girl who took the long way home. The long way anywhere. Skylar walked the opposite direction of the bar, only to loop around and walk the opposite way towards it. She liked the adventure, always loved breaking monotony.

And with more time to walk, she had more time to think. About everything.

Logan.

The bar.

Her brother.

Her parents.

Death.

That was where her mind went very often. A regular conclusion for all thoughts. She was tormented by Logan's death, and Logan's afterlife-if she had one at all. Skylar was atheist, and yet she liked to believe in something. With that said, she didn't choose to believe in something until after Logan died. Maybe she just wanted to think that there was something more for Logan.

Skylar felt a sudden need for smoke around her head. Funny, she thought, how she longed for the smell of smoke in an already foggy mind. A clouded head. Her thoughts were hazy, mixing together like paint on a blank canvas. If her mind was the canvas, she was painted a mess of every colour that existed. She couldn't decide on just one.

She missed Logan with everything she had. And yet she knew that it was time to let go. But there was guilt in letting go, in moving on, when Logan didn't have that option. She'd been dead for four years. Frozen, forever, at twenty, while Skylar celebrated birthday after birthday without her.

The door chimed on her way in-a bell to alert the staff that a customer had entered. And even with the noise, no employee rushed to the counter to greet her. Skylar stood at the front of the store, knowing exactly what she wanted-what she needed-which would only take a few seconds to buy. She waited for five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. She was about to leave when a man rushed out of the back room, said something that Skylar couldn't fully understand because of a thick accent, but it sounded something like, "Sorry, I fell asleep."

Skylar pointed to a box of cigarettes on display behind the man, and slid a twenty dollar bill towards him. She grabbed a lighter from beside the cash register and placed it next to the box at the last minute.

She could barely wait until she was out of the store. Pushing her dark hair back and tucking it behind her ears for the moment, she retrieved a cigarette and lit it. It was difficult in the rain, and the cold air that still loomed over the city, but she'd never had trouble lighting a cigarette.

A sigh of relief. No, an avalanche. A mountain crumbling to the ground, burying everything in its path. The smoke clouded everything that Skylar had thought about for the past hours. For the past week. Month. Years.

For a few, blissful seconds, everything was numb.

The world was mute.