The City | GirlxGirl

thirty eight ➳

The back of Skylar's legs pressed into the only other wooden chair that Jude owned. Leaning forward, she was watching Jude, aware of the tears and the nail biting and the diary that belonged to Thom laying on the living room floor. She had a good idea of what was going on, but she wanted to hear it from Jude. And then she wanted a decision.

"If you want me here, all you have to do is say that," she repeated. And by "here," she didn't mean here, in Jude's old apartment, with used furniture and a weird smell that probably wasn't coming from Jude's fridge, because she was pretty organized when it came to food.

Part of the offer that Skylar was laying out for the girl was getting her out of this place. If Jude wanted, she would never have to see this apartment building again, and would never have to spend another night alone. But Skylar kept her mouth shut, not wanting to push Jude any closer to her side than she already suspected she was. Something had changed in between now and a few days ago, when Jude had been ignoring all her girlfriend's calls, and Skylar wanted to know what it was.

It was the journal. Jude gave Skylar a play-by-play of each entry, not caring that she was inviting another person into Thom's secret life, because Thom was dead, leaving her alone in it, and she really didn't want to be alone anymore.

"Jude," said Skylar, suddenly angry at Thom for being who he was, but also understanding that there was way more to it than him just hitting Jude, "I know I convinced you not to burn your poems, but I think we need to burn this."

The journal wasn't an excuse for what Thom did to Jude. It was an explanation. There were other ways he could have sought help, like from Jude herself, because throughout all of it, she remained ignorant, in the light, while Thom was suffering in the dark. But it also gave her all the answers she was looking for, and she understood that the Thom she had met when they moved to Toronto was a concoction of his father's abuse, that it was a chain reaction. But that chain was going to end now.

"No." Jude stood, marched confidently into the living room, and picked up the journal. It was suddenly very heavy in her hand. "I'm sending it back to his family. Telling his mom that it wasn't intended for me, but for her. She needs to read it. She needs to know how she played a role in her son's death, and make sure that she prevents any more," said Jude, feeling sick at the thought of his five younger brothers. And what about his sisters? Would they be the exception?

Jude didn't want to wonder anymore.

"After we talk," she said, resuming her place in her chair across from Skylar, "we're going to the post office."

Skylar nodded, happy that Jude's voice was firm again, that she was directing orders and making sense in the midst of chaos.

"I don't want to forget anything," said Jude, leaning forward to match Skylar's position of elbows on her knees, and head yearning towards the opposite girl. "But I do want to start over. Screw moving on. I want to begin again."

Skylar's mouth went dry, but as always, she pretended that she was unaffected. "Begin again as solo Jude?"

Jude smiled, her eyes narrowing, that dimple appearing. "No way. Even in my relationship with Thom, I sometimes felt alone. When I'm with you, I never feel that way. I just want to put everything past us. Logan, Thom, all of that. Put it past us, and not take a step forwards. I'm thinking more like flying a spaceship into another galaxy, forwards."

Skylar laughed, completely in awe that this girl was the same broken one she had picked up off the curb in February. "I like that idea."

"I love you, Sky."

Skylar's eyes widened. She leaned backwards, stunned, and stared straight at Jude. Her eyes reminded her of a winter sky, and yet they made her feel so warm. "You know I've loved you for a long time."

"I know."

"And you don't know how badly I've wanted to hear those words," said Skylar, shaking her head. All at once, she was pulling on Jude's hands, forcing her to come over to her, then forcing them to stand up, so she could take all her weight and hold her against her, and know that even when they had to physically let go, she'd never let go of Jude's heart. It had been battered, broken, and although it remained strong, it was always a good idea for someone else to protect it.

"I can be happy with you," said Jude, looking up at Skylar.

"I'm only happy with you."

Jude laughed. "For someone so tough, you're so soft."

"I try to be both for you," said Skylar, her hands resting on Jude's waist, pulling her closer, closer, closer, until their noses touched.

"But we all know that you're ultimately one hundred percent soft." Jude poked Skylar's cheek and said, "See? Like a teddy bear."

Skylar hummed. "If I'm remembering correctly, though, I got at least one of my concussions in a fight."

Jude pretended to look impressed. "We both know you're probably not remembering correctly."

Their euphoria only lasted another moment, before Jude remembered that the post office would be closing in twenty minutes. She grabbed the journal, Skylar's hand, and walked out of the apartment. The next time she walked in, she was packing up boxes to move into Skylar's house.