The City | GirlxGirl

thirty four ➳

Stepping out of the elevator, Skylar was met with what was now a familiar scent: body odour, polished wood, and something distantly rotting. The smell of all three combined always flooded Skylar with mild nausea, which usually disappeared the moment she stepped inside Jude's apartment. As she slid her key out of the open door and kicked her shoes off at Jude's welcome mat, she noticed something was wrong. The even more familiar smell of fresh flowers-lilacs, always, as they were Jude's favourite-and her perfume-which Skylar thought smelled more like a forest of pine trees than a "day on the beach"-did little to soothe her stomach.

Jude was laying on the couch, asleep, with her journal sprawled open on her stomach. Skylar watched the book move up and down, up and down, with every breath. It was open to a page of scribbles and scratched out words. This was the rough draft, which she was never allowed to read. Skylar was only allowed to read the approved copies: the clean, typed poems. Even though she loved those, she yearned to see Jude's raw work, the work that came with no thought, the work where she freely spoke her mind without considering how others would perceive it.

Tiptoeing through the apartment, Skylar leaned over Jude, peering at the book to try to get a closer look. But the words that had once been written were scratched out to the point that they were illiterate. Skylar considered flipping to another page, but was well aware that Jude was a very, very light sleeper. Instead she cleared her throat and placed a hand on Jude's forehead. The smaller girl was awake in a second.

"Hey."

Jude sat up, squinting at the light that surrounded her. "What time is it?"

"4:15, give or take a few minutes."

"That shift went by fast," said Jude, having spoken to Skylar on the phone that morning before her shift at the cafe. She must have fallen asleep right after that, and slept through the entire day.

Skylar smirked. "It did for you. Have you been tired?"

Jude pulled her legs up to her chest, knocking the notebook straight off of her body. It landed on the floor with a thud, yet remained open to the page that Skylar was unable to read.

"No," Jude lied.

Everything about that single word was transparent. Skylar saw it in the bags under her eyes, the pale white of her face, and her chewed fingernails.

"Don't lie to me, love."

Jude's eyebrows creased. She wouldn't meet her girlfriend's eyes. Skylar sat down next to her, keeping a considerable amount of distance between them than they were used to. And it was too far for her liking.

"I'm here for you. I'm your person, Jude. And I can't be your person if you aren't being honest with me."

Jude exhaled slowly. And then, all at once, her anger grew; she was suddenly a rocket plummeting for space, leaving fire beneath everyone in her wake. "How am I supposed to be honest with you? Tell me, how am I supposed to look you in the eyes and tell you that for the past week I haven't been able to sleep at night because I'm thinking about my ex-boyfriend, and not my girlfriend."

That stung.

"Just like that," said Skylar, trying her best to mask the hurt she was feeling. "That's how you tell me."

Jude laughed quietly, moving the hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ears. "You can't take it, Skylar."

"What?"

"You can't take being here for me, while I'm hung up on some other person. You're not strong enough."

And now it felt as though that rocket had driven straight through her chest, pierced her heart, and left her to bleed out.