The City | GirlxGirl

thirty six ➳

It took the rough surface of the sidewalk connecting Skylar's house to the rest of the street for her to realize that she had forgotten to put shoes on before leaving. Unsure if this was because of her memory-which, since Thom's funeral, had been getting worse and worse-or just because her mind was far too scattered to remember something small like wearing shoes, Skylar padded up the length of the driveway, unlocked the door, and slipped her shoes on. She leaned against the closed door, listening to the sound of her heavy breaths. Exhausted from nights of no sleep following the funeral. The car ride home was painful. No, that was an understatement.

Skylar wished that Jude was the type of girl who yelled at her when she messed up. Fifteen minutes of shouting-even a half hour-would have been better than hours of silence. She would have traded being told off by her girlfriend for anything, rather than dropping Jude off at the dingy apartment that wasn't really safe for her, and hearing nothing but a sharp "Bye, Skylar." Not even Sky.

Skylar understood that she needed time, she just wished she didn't need so much. And how could she make up for something like that? Her mistake was biology, it was physical. It wasn't intended. But Jude didn't seem to see it that way.

Speaking of time, Skylar glanced at her wristwatch, the one that Jude loved to play with-or used to, at least-and realized she really needed to get going.

Heading out the door once again, she briefly double checked that she had everything. Shoes, pants, shirt, phone, house key. At this point, she wouldn't have been surprised if she forgot something as crucial as a piece of clothing.

It was warm. Comfortable, but warm. The sun washed over her skin, and she suddenly wished she could be Blair, so she could enjoy the light and the way it woke her up. But she wasn't Blair, and she grimaced in the warmth, and kept her head down.

She was afraid of this. Of Thom ruining their relationship, of his death taking Jude away from her. It had been selfish a few weeks ago, but now it was justified. Jude was slipping out of her hands faster than she had fallen into them, and Skylar couldn't hold on. It seemed like Jude wanted to let go.

The cafe was quiet. It was Thursday morning, which meant the only drinks served were tea to elderly women who came to meet with their friends, discussing family reunions and knitting patterns. Skylar usually listened, finding their soft, slow voices peaceful, but today she tuned them out. She didn't really want to see, or hear, anyone happy, when she was so far from it. Remembering how Jude told her that she would spend her days here, writing from open until close, she smiled. Jude also used to watch her, Skylar, stand across the street outside the bar and smoke. They had watched each other for so long before their paths finally crossed. If only Skylar had reached her before Thom broke her. But then his death still may have happened, and they may have ended up in the same place anyways.

"I'll take the usual."

The familiar voice brought heat to Skylar's cheeks even before she saw who it belonged to. Myra's hands were flat against the counter only inches away from Skylar. She looked so inviting, so confident. Skylar swallowed the lump that had rose in her throat upon thinking of her relationship with Jude, and smiled warmly at the girl before her.

"Coming right up," she said, brewing the first coffee of the day. De-caf, with two sugars and no cream. The usual, that even Skylar had memorized.

"I haven't seen you in a while. I came by last week wanting to see you, and you weren't here. What've you been up to?" It was a genuine question, filled with genuine interest, just like Skylar was filling the paper cup with steaming coffee.

Skylar shrugged. "Went out of town with my girlfriend," she said, not meeting Myra's eyes, which had widened immensely.

"I didn't know you had a girlfriend."