The City | GirlxGirl

thirty five ➳

"You look beautiful," Jude told Skylar. This felt wrong, just like the entire being in Kenora with Skylar. Add that on top of their reason for being in the shabby motel that they booked last minute was that they were attending Thom's funeral, and Jude felt nauseous with guilt. She would be saying goodbye to Thom with her new girlfriend at her side. That felt like cheating, even if she and Thom had broken up long before his death. To ease her guilt, Jude tried to carry on like nothing was out of the ordinary. Like it was perfectly normal to be attending a funeral of your ex-boyfriend who committed suicide. Normal.

But Skylar did look beautiful. The girl owned one dress, which she had worn to both her parents funerals, as well as Logan's. Jude said that Skylar should just keep it in her closet, reserved only for funerals. She even offered to buy Skylar a second dress to wear on other occasions.

The black fabric was snug on Skylar's torso and the entire length of her arms. At the waist it loosened, and when she walked, it swung back and forth, gliding against her tan skin. With high heels on she towered over Jude, who had always been a little too clumsy to wear anything other than flats.

"I've never been to a funeral," Jude said, as Skylar glanced at herself once more in the mirror that was not only cracked directly in half, but was chipped at all four corners. There was barely any mirror left to it.

Skylar turned, and Jude envied her grace. The taller-much, much taller-girl looked down at Jude, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, which dipped underneath her weight.

"Really?"

Jude nodded. "My grandparents died when I was really young. I barely remember them. My parents didn't want me to come to the funeral, so I went to my neighbour's house."

Skylar licked her lips and sighed. "I won't lie to you. They're dreadful."

"I can imagine that," said Jude nervously. She hadn't eaten anything all day, for fear of it coming straight back up. Skylar, however, had nearly cleared the entire buffet breakfast. That was another thing Jude envied: her endless appetite.

"That's why I'm here," Skylar said, bending down and squatting so she sat lower than Jude's eyes.

"What happens if I fall apart?"

"I'll pick you back up."

Jude took Skylar's hand. The past two weeks had been yearning towards treachery. She'd felt a strong desire to distance herself from not just Skylar, but everyone. She didn't want to reply to her emails, and she called in sick at the bar. But she was starting to feel a little better.

"It's okay to be upset," Skylar reminded her.

Jude nodded, and leaned forwards to kiss her cheek. She let her lips linger, watching Skylar out of the corner of her eye. The other girl had closed her eyes, and a small smile appeared on her lips.

"Thank you for coming back with me." Jude wished they hadn't had to stay in a motel. But she assumed she was not welcome at her parents' home. And by that assumption, it was safe to conclude that Skylar wasn't welcome, either.

That was something else that was weighing down on her, making her feel like everything was about to fall apart. There was no doubt that her mother and father were going to be at the funeral. They loved Thom, clearly, and were somewhat close with his parents. If it felt like everything was about to fall apart, thinking about her parents made Jude realize that she was going to be the first to break.

Skylar's response was one of her warm, reserved-for-Jude, smiles.

Jude remembered, then, that there was something she had been thinking about during their trip to Kenora. It added another butterfly to the swarm already flying around her stomach, and yet she couldn't convince herself not to bring it up. "Skylar?" Jude paused, swallowed. "I don't mean this in a bad way, but when we're at the funeral, can you maybe not tell anyone that you're my girlfriend?"