The City | GirlxGirl

twenty seven ➳

There were a lot of things that Jude needed to do, and that Jude did, following the accident. One: she cancelled her plans to return to Kenora to see her parents. Technically, they weren't aware of these plans, so the cancellation only impacted Jude. And it wasn't like she was devastated. She missed her mother and father, but after spending twenty three years under the same roof as them, she wasn't devastated to be under a different one. There was, of course, the issue of the refusal to believe that Thom had abused their daughter. That was devastating. But right now, Jude reasoned, there was nothing she could do about that. If they wanted to contact her, all they had to do was call her cell phone. In the meantime, they could keep calling Thom, who they still believed to be a saint, asking where Jude was. She didn't need to deal with people who wouldn't accept the abuse. She needed to deal with herself-with who the abuse had been inflicted upon.

Two: the car, which had been returned by Blair, and the DUI. And the whole accident in general. Jude was left with a heavy conscience, which weighed on her body constantly. Everywhere she went, a dark cloud followed. Water poured on her shoulders, and danced down her arms. A constant reminder of what she had done. And with that reminder came the wondering of what could have happened. She could have died. She could have killed someone else. And now that she knew The Logan Story, she understood why Skylar hated her. It took everything in Jude not to hate herself.

She had Blair to thank for that. Of course, she understood why Blair was more than angry with her, and was extremely grateful that she chose to stand by her side, rather than Skylar, who chose to abandon her. Seeing Blair support her through the awful crime she committed put herself in perspective. There was Blair, the best friend, who could look past the exact same event which killed her best friend, so that she wouldn't be alone, and so that she could recover, and get back on her feet. And then there was Jude, who had committed the crime, who had gotten extremely drunk and then drove, knowing very well that it was not only illegal, but simply wrong. Blair stood on a golden pedestal, and Jude was slipping further and further in the mud.

So after everything-the abuse that started this chain of events, the DUI, the hatred from Skylar-she was in recovery mode. It was hard for her to look at her own skin. Every time she looked down at her arms, or caught her reflection in the mirror, all she saw were bruises and scratches. She was right back where she was two months ago, when she left Thom. Only this time, she had inflicted the wounds upon herself. This time, it was her fault.

Jon had granted her one month off of work for recovery. He didn't need to hear the entire story. When he heard about the DUI, and that Jude had been injured, he wanted her to take time off, to "clear her head," as he had said. And that was exactly what she needed.

She phoned Skylar every other day. At first, it wasn't meant to be a routine. But now, she called every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, at noon. She told herself that she fully accepted that Skylar was not going to answer any of her calls. But she kept trying. Maybe she was curious to see if she would pick up one day. Or maybe she just liked reminding herself that Skylar was not completely out of her life. There was also the satisfaction, and the comfort, of hearing Skylar's voice on her pre-recorded voicemail greeting.

It was Sunday. Blair rarely worked weekends, but she had taken to working extra shifts. For Jude, recovery was time off. For Blair, recovery was extra time. Jude also suspected that Blair wanted to distance herself from Jude, to decrease the amount of time they saw each other. Jude became lonely, and longed for her best friend, but had no choice but to understand that Blair needed some time to forgive and move past the accident. Jude couldn't complain. She couldn't complain about anything related to the girl who remained her best friend and housemate even after what she had done.

But she must have had a short shift at the bank, because she walked in at 12:01PM, at which point Jude was listening to the ringing of Skylar's cell phone, knowing that she was going to be sent to voicemail at any second. She never left a message, because she didn't want to be overbearing. She just wanted Skylar to know that she was thinking of her, and that she wanted her back in her life. She would do anything it took. And Jude wondered, a lot of the time that she spent curled up on Blair's couch, if she ever crossed Skylar's mind.