Speech |a.f.i au|

1.9

Rene

As a teenager, nobody really talks to you about suicide and no one usually voices this rising epidemic until it affects someone we know.

I can never tell if the hardest part is not having the answers to the questions, or if why no one ever picked up on signs. These days, it's easy to tell if a person is depressed but we simply pass it off, labeling them as lazy. It's actually what we all do when it comes to mental health, labeling people to degrading terms so we can easily dismiss the idea that these people actually may need help.

Though I never thought, of all people, Michael would be the one who needed help. But at the same time, I felt guilty for not recognizing the signs. It was clear to see that Michael hasn't been himself lately. He's definitely consumed more food than usual, getting irritated easily, and being more unmotivated.

Ashton and I were out at breakfast when he got the call from Luke. Michael had been passed out for quite a while now.

"He was just-" Calum started to choke. We sat in the waiting room of the hospital. Michael's parents were sitting on the opposite side of the room, holding their heads in their hands.

Madi pulled Calum into her chest while Gracie watched them. She stared blankly at them as tears rolled down her face. She was about to break until Abbey walked towards Gracie and held her in her arms.

Luke shyly walked towards us. He gave me a hug and asked if he could talk to Ashton for a moment. I kiss Ashton on the cheek before he leaves and I go and sit down with Abbey and Gracie.

Calum was the one who originally found Michael. He had overdosed on an anxiety medication and collapsed in the hallway of his house. Calum was actually heading back to Michael's house because he left his wallet there.

"Are you okay?" Abbey whispers at me. Truthfully, I didn't know if I was okay. After my dad's death, everything seemed to be falling apart. As much as I wanted to act like I was alright, I wasn't. Constant therapy appointments, including a new addition of grief therapy, going to school, spending time with Ashton, I felt like I had zero time to actually grieve.

Therapy appointments got more hectic when Ashton forced me to tell my mom about my newfound coping mechanism (cutting), and soon that was put to a halt.

"Rene?" I snap out of my thoughts and look back at Abbey. "Are you okay?" she repeats again.

"Uh... yeah," I hesitate, not wanting to talk about how or what I was feeling. 

"I'm gonna go find Luke," Abbey tells us, getting up out of her seat. Gracie and I sit in silence until she finally breaks out into sobs.

I scoot down a chair and wrap my arms around her and let her cry into my shoulder. Tears began to spill over the brims of my eyes, making this an official crying fest.

"I hate him so much," Gracie sobs, I immediately furrow my eyebrows but I make it a mental note to bring it up later unless she brought it up. I could feel her shake her head and I make sure to use one of my hands to draw circles on her back. 

I didn't know what to say, and I wish I did have all the right words, but I didn't. I didn't even know how to speak at my father's funeral, let alone comfort someone only a few weeks after my father's death.

When Gracie's sobs quieted to hiccups, she thanked me and excused herself to the restroom. After she crutched away, Ashton and Luke entered. Their faces were both red and puffy, indicating that they had been crying. Abbey trailed behind them with a somber expression.

"Hey, babe," Ashton sniffles before pulling me up by my hands and hugging me tightly. "I love you so, so, so much," he whispers.

"I love you," I tell him planting a soft kiss on his neck. Once his grip releases a bit, I look up at him and he kisses my forehead before completely letting go.

"Michael Clifford." Michael's parents stood up and headed towards the doctor, as we all stayed put, watching their non-comprehensible conversation.

After a five minute conversation and an exchange of paperwork, Michael's father made his way towards us while his mom went to talk with the woman at the front desk.

"He's gonna be okay," his Dad started. Tension released from the group and I immediately pulled Abbey and Madi with me to go to the bathroom and find Gracie.

Gracie was standing and staring at herself in the mirror, her crutches tucked beneath her armpits, with an object in her hand, while water dripped from her chin and arms.

"Gracie, he's going to be okay," Madi says. Gracie snaps out of her trance and looks at us. Her eyes were puffy and the object in her hand dropped to the ground

A pregnancy stick.

"I'm preg-" she couldn't get the words out until she collapsed onto the ground, the crutches bouncing off the ground, and she started to cry hysterically. Madi covers her mouth while Abbey rushes over to Gracie, and I stand speechless and expressionless.

How could everything get so bad, when everything was so good? It made no sense to me as to why things went the way they did.

Everything that goes up, must come down. I remind myself. A sigh escapes my lips and I walk over to Abbey and Gracie, alongside Madi.

After quite a while of crying, Gracie got herself together again and got off the ground with the help of Abbey and Madi.

"Does Michael know?" I ask and she shook her head vigorously.

"This is the third pregnancy test I've taken. The first one said yes, but I thought it was wrong. So I took another, which said it was negative. But my period hadn't come and I had to take another and I guess I'm pregnant."

"Why didn't you tell Michael?" Abbey asks.

"He was just starting to get better, at least I thought he was. He was being so nice, and he was even letting me take home some of his clothes which he never does. He gave away his bike and-" she stops mid-sentence, "I thought he was finally getting better, I didn't know that was a sign." Gracie runs her hand through her tangled hair.

"Are you gonna get an abor-" I start, but am cut off.

"Don't even ask something like that, I could never bring myself to do it,"

my oh my what a short chapter. but hi hello im back home in kentucky, god bless america. hurricane irma is a bitch and we had to be evacuated and it was nuts, but im home now. i might do another update.

-shannon