Speech |a.f.i au|

2.2

I drop Ashton's phone out of my hand and let it drop to the floor along with my tears. I looked back and watched him sleep, how uncomfortable and upset he looked.

I sniffled and walked to my bathroom, opening the mirror in search of my anxiety medications. I haven't been taking them but that could be the reason I haven't been feeling great, aside from the recent news of Ashton getting blown.

My medicine was nowhere to be found and I began to get so infuriated that I started knocking out everything inside the mirror. Tears coursed down my cheeks as my heart quickens, my hands were bloodied and practically screaming in pain.

"Babe! Babe! What are you doing?" I hear Ashton, grabbing my arms. I quickly try to shove him off of me but his grip was too tight.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I screamed at him, feeling the blood drip from my fingertips. My chest rising and falling at uneven pace as I attempt to squirm out of his embrace. I finally get to a place where I'm able to shove him off of me.

"Babe, what's wro-" he doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence until the back of my hand collides with his cheek, leaving a smear of my blood. His eyes fill with anger as he holds his cheek.

"What the fuck is wrong with-" he starts to scream.

"You fucking cheater!" I shove him by his shoulders, watching him stumble backward,  letting him catch himself before he falls down. I don't even scream anymore, my throat felt as if I swallowed a desert and my lungs had been set on fire. "You let her touch you..." I trailed, turning my back against him.

"I was gonna tell you..." he says sheepishly. I turn around, feeling the blood in my veins start to boil.

"Stop fucking lying to me! What are you hiding?" I yell, grasping the roots of my hair and tugging at the ends. More tears started to fall and I let out a scream.

I collapse to my knees and broke completely. As if every piece of me just shattered. I can feel Ashton's hand on my back, and though I don't want him touching me, I didn't have the energy to shrug him off or tell him to stop.

I hear him huff as he continues to rub his back up and down, I listen to him sniffle.

"A while ago Mia and I were talking about Michael. She had noticed how depressed he was getting too. And somehow the conversation turned to your medications and Eliza jumped in. Eliza suggested that I sneaked your medication and give to Michael to maybe relieve some of his depression or something." I found myself listening to Ashton and getting up and sitting beside him on the floor. His hand still not leaving my back.

"I started putting your medication in a vitamin bottle and telling Michael that it would help with his depression and whatnot. I didn't know he'd take so many..." Ashton trails off. "I was going to tell you, but with your dad passing away and I just, I didn't want you to think it was your fault. Eliza's stepdad was Michael's doctor." I nodded my head, trying to take in every single word coming out of his mouth.

"Apparently she started gathering documents, by sneaking into her father's patient files so she'd have all the proof and she showed up to my house when no one was there except for me and she just- I didn't want you to blame yourself." his hand left my back and he wrapped his arms around his knees and began to cry.

"I thought he'd get better, not worse!" Ashton mutters and continues to cry.

I blink, not knowing how to process all the information. But I knew four things are certain:

1. Eliza is a bitch.

2. Ashton can't shut his goddamn mouth.

3. Eliza is a bitch. 

4. I don't know what the hell to do about this.

"Please say something," Ashton begs, lifting his face from his knees. I gulp not knowing if I could say what I was about to. Before words could leave my mouth, Ashton speaks up. "Do you need time alone?" he asks and I shake my head.

"I need time with you," I sniffle. It made no sense why I said that and it also made no sense to me whatsoever, but something told me that I needed him to stay. His hands started to play with my hair as we sit around medication and over-the-counter bottles. Q-tips litter around the bathroom floor, along with cotton balls, hair ties, bobby pins, and blood.

Ashton gets up and helps me off the floor, picking me up bridal style and carrying me to my room. Once he sets me on my bed, he leaves but comes back with gauze, rubbing alcohol, and cotton balls.

"We should wrap your hands up," he says, his voice emotionless. I nod in agreement and stick my left one out first. Ashton squirts some rubbing alcohol onto the cotton ball before gently pressing it on the wound.

I wince and pull my hand back. Ashton mutters an apology and tries to keep his eyes trained on me so that I was distracted. He did the same with the other hand, wrapping them both in gauze.

After Ashton puts all of the stuff away while I get dressed into some new clothes that weren't drenched in tears, blood, and sweat. It was a large black tee shirt and a yellow pair of pajama shorts.

I lay down on the bed and watch Ashton come in, taking off his shirt and discarding it to the floor before climbing into bed with me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Are you going to break up with me?" Ashton asks and I can tell he's hurt by the tone in his voice.

"I don't know," I answered dryly.

"Are you going to stay with me?"

"I don't know."

"Get some rest," he tells me.

"I plan to. You too,"

"I love you,"

"I love you more,"

hi hello i normally dont do authors notes but i just wanted you all to know that i got accepted into a university ive been dreaming of going to since i was thirteen and i ge to go public speak in beverly hills california for suicide prevention :)

hope you enjoyed and please check out my new story Scream

-shannon xx