We Shadows

Chapter 34: the feelings talk

Alcott never worked weekends. She thought it was important to separate work from life, but right now, she couldn't think of anywhere else to be. Tyson might be at the berth, and she didn't want to talk to him just yet. Levi hadn't messaged her, hadn't said anything at all, and after the awkward conversation with Dylan, Alcott didn't exactly blame him.

She hoped that maybe Levi would come looking for her and would find her here. But since Alcott had no idea what to say to him, it was easier to focus on pruning. She had never expected her life to become so complicated. With Marcus, things had been simple. They had had their whole lives planned out from the moment they knew they were partners. Marcus was going to stay home with the baby and bake; Alcott would go back to botany. Then, they'd wait a couple years and have another child, hopefully by then Marcus could bake full time.

Thinking about all these plans now hurt, especially since there was no way any of that could happen. Her son would have to come with her to work until he was old enough to go to classes. The fact that Marcus would never meet him was enough to force her to blink back tears.

"Hey Alcott," said a voice behind her.

Alcott set the shears down and slowly turned to face Levi. She had no idea how he managed to sneak up on her, maybe she had been more focused on the pruning than she had thought. He was still wearing clothes from the day before and looked tired, his too long blonde hair falling into his face.

"Hey," she managed. "Levi, look, I'm sorry, all right? I don't...I didn't want my feelings to change our friendship. That's why I didn't say anything."

"Alcott, you don't have to apologize," Levi replied, finding a stool to sit down. "The whole of yesterday took me by surprise: Dylan, you, even my own behavior. I'm sorry you felt like you had to run off."

Alcott nervously laughed, playing with one of her braids. She really needed to cut them so she couldn't use them to hide behind.

"So we're still friends?" she said, unwilling to bring up anything further than friendship.

Levi scoffed. "Of course, Alcott. That was never in question. So do you want to eat an early dinner? I guess we could continue pruning bushes; I thought you hated roses."

"I do," she agreed. "But I just couldn't stay at home. For all my talk about how you and Dylan need a larger support group, I'm not much better. We all used to be so close and I really haven't made an effort to make more friends."

"Lully has that group that plays baskets," Levi agreed. "I mean, neither of us will be playing any time soon, but we should go sometime. They had a game yesterday you know."

"I can't go in the meeting room, Levi," Alcott told him. Even thinking about it made her heart pound and her head ache. "My heart starts racing and I just..."

Levi stood and took Alcott's hand. "Let's get out of here," he said.

He pulled her along, but had to let go of her hand to maneuver his crutches. Alcott worried that someone would see them and it would get back to Dylan, but Levi didn't look around or seem worried.

"Where are we going?" Alcott asked tentatively.

"Not sure yet," he admitted. "We can't go to my place. You don't want to go to yours. We could go down to the garden; we could go sit outside."

"Let's go outside," Alcott decided.

Levi nodded and they made their way to the main entrance, bypassing the codes to get out easily. Levi's crutches sunk in the dirt and sand, making it more difficult to walk, but he and Alcott navigated around the entrance to lean against the siding of the base together. The moon was pale and a little more than a crescent in the early evening sky. Alcott wished that the breeze could somehow be replicated indoors. It smelled wonderfully fresh out here.

"I'm going to try to make things work with Dylan," Levi said, a little suddenly. "I had a good conversation about it with Libba and I think perhaps I haven't been as articulate as I could be with Dylan. I want to make smaller, achievable goals for us."

"That's a good idea," Alcott agreed, though wishing they didn't have to talk about Dylan at all.

"I have feelings for you, Alcott," Levi continued. "I'm not sure they're romantically inclined, but I care about you deeply. But I need to either resolve or dissolve whatever I have with Dylan first."

"Dissolve?" she questioned. "Surely you don't think it will go so poorly."

"I do," he sighed. "I mean, I'm hoping for the best, but she just doesn't understand why I'm upset. So even the small goals will seem ridiculous to her."

"Yeah," Alcott admitted. "She did seem confused yesterday when I talked to her."

"When you talked to her?"

"After their baskets game I went by your berth to talk," Alcott explained. "Hoping to explain myself, but barring that, hoping to understand why she was so upset with us since nothing actually happened."

"And? What did you learn?"

Levi looked more hopeful than Alcott wished. She didn't have great news to share.

"Not much to learn," she admitted. "Dylan seems to think you've abandoned her for no reason. You need to talk to her yourself, Levi."

"Why did you?" he questioned. "Not to apologize, I hope."

Alcott snorted. "No. I told her she was an idiot for harassing you. You deserve better."

She could have continued, but didn't want to bring up anything else. Levi loved Dylan, she knew that as a fact. And he deserved the chance to fix their relationship. On the horizon, she saw a glimmer of metal and she pointed it out to Levi.

"Must be the hovers," Levi remarked and moved to stand.

Alcott hooked arms with him and helped him stand as the hovers rolled in. They could see Lully rise to wave his arm at the two of them. They were farther away than they seemed, Levi waved back at Lully.

"He's going to fall off," Alcott noted. "What a moonshy man."

"I'd do the same if I could," Levi noted.

He sounded wistful. She glanced down; his braces peeking out of his shoes. Alcott hated that Levi had been handed this rough time since waking. Nothing had been easy.

"Have you talked to Madison recently?" she asked

Levi shrugged. "No, not really. Blair mentioned a new therapy I could try, but I..."

"Set the appointment up," Alcott ordered. "I'll go with you."

Levi sighed, leaning against Alcott. She put an arm around him and rubbed his shoulder.

"Hey guys!" Bell called as she hopped off the hover. "Joan, we'll meet you in printing, pas mal?"

Esperanza and Lully also jumped off as the hovers headed around the base. Lully was clean-shaven and much darker than Alcott had last seen him. Esperanza smiled tiredly.

"Why are you two out here?" Lully asked.

"It was a nice evening," Levi told him. "Couldn't let you folks have all the fun. How did it go?"

"Better than expected, but worse than we hoped," Bell replied, heading for the entrance. "I want to get my things from the printing bay and go home to shower. Thank the seasons we have tomorrow off."

Once they got inside, Levi had to shake the dirt out of his crutches before continuing down the hall.

"Did we miss anything exciting?" Esperanza inquired.

"Harper is now head of archives," Alcott remarked carefully. "Nothing much else as happened."

"Though the biggest news of course is Lully becoming lieutenant," Bell scoffed. "Seriously. Anyway, I'll catch up with you later!"

She bounded away, leaving Levi and Alcott to turn in bewilderment toward Lully who chuckled nervously.

"Surprise?" he laughed.

____

My mother is VERY opposed to Levi and Alcott, though I'm not sure why. I like them together, but am...open to other things happening. I just wish Alcott could be happy, you know? 

Thanks for reading!