We Shadows

Chapter 36: when life gives you limes

I wondered some if Levi would message me first or if he was expecting me to message him. I worked on paperwork in the meantime though glancing up at the door every time I heard a noise.

It was late evening before Levi came back home. He was wearing the same clothes from yesterday, the same haunted look in his eye. We didn't say anything for a long moment as he stood in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I was angry at the situation that Dashiell forced me in and I took it out on you. How can we communicate better so yesterday doesn't happen again?"

"Are you in love with Alcott?" I asked, not sure what I would do with the answer.

"No, Dylan," he said with a sigh.

"Do you still want to walk out that door and not come back?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" he questioned. "I want us to be an 'us' again, Dylan. I want to be your friend, your confidant, your partner, and I want to be the same for you." He brushed his hair out of his eyes. "I know that the base and its trajectory are important to you. And I want to be left out of it. But that doesn't mean I will stop supporting you or your plans for congress."

He had undergone quite the change of heart. This was what I had wanted to hear yesterday morning, but now, it was different. I wasn't certain that Levi actually meant it, and even so, if he wasn't interested in helping me, then he wasn't being supportive was he could.

Kissing Tyson had been an impulsive, stupid thing to do. But he was open and honest with me or at least, our friendship had gotten off to a much better start than Levi and mine relationship had. If I was being honest with myself, Tyson didn't make me feel guilty. The crutches were hard to be around; they just reminded me of my failures.

"I think we need a break away from each other," I decided. "I moved in too soon with too much unresolved. I can move back into my papa's berth; he'd like the company anyway."

"Then can we do dinner together?" Levi inquired. "Because we have a lot to talk about."

I pondered the notion. "Let's do lunch instead," I countered. "I know you have piano lessons with Sky, but any day that's not that. Pas mal?"

"You're not giving me much of a choice," he pointed out.

"Partners are about to be disbanded," I told him. "We have to figure out if we're together because we were told to be or because we want to be. That's going to take time and care."

It had sounded so matter of fact in my head, but Levi looked crushed, his shoulders sagging and his hair hiding his face from view. Tyson was right; he did love me. I was just having a hard time reciprocating right now.

No, that wasn't it. I did love Levi, but our differences made it hard to overcome the barriers between us.

"In the meantime," Levi said in a low voice, finally looking up at me again. "I'm not going to stop being friends with Alcott or any of the others. I care about our friends and we have been neglecting them too."

"Okay," I shrugged, not wanting to fight about Alcott. At any rate, quarreling about her was hypocritical now, and I didn't want to bring up Tyson and hurt Levi further.

He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, and I rose from the couch, eager to pack and be on my way. Perhaps my papa could help me figure out what to do. I needed advice, and normally I'd go to Levi or Tyson, that was not an option here.

I didn't have many clothes that fit me anymore, so I stuffed the ones I had into a bag, looking around our bedroom for anything else that I would need. Levi stopped me at the door of our bedroom.