ABDUCTED (a BTS Crackfic)

|| C H A P T E R F I V E ||

Yoongi

"Dammit! Why do I have to do this?!" I complained and threw my hands up in despair. "Do you know how weird it is for a grown man to walk into a store and demand three Pokemon cards in exchange for banana milk?! And even worse, three Magic Carps?! That's not even a good Pokemon card-- actually scratch that, that's not even a decent Pokemon card!"

Jin shrugged in the drivers seat in front of me. "Sorry Suga, you drew the short stick. It is what it is."

I hear Jungkook snicker behind me and I nearly turn around and shove the little carton of banana milk down the fetus' titty-sucking throat.

We were parked in the parking lot of the nearest Gamestop arguing over who should go in and get the final ingredient in our alien abduction soup. Jinyoung said we needed three things in order to get abducted by aliens, three jumbo bags of Doritos, a gallon of Mnt Dew, and three Magic Carp Pokemon cards, and we already got the Doritos and Mnt Dew from a dead looking cashier at Walmart, and the three Magic Carp cards were the last thing on our list. Nobody wanted to do it and look like we just did every drug in Korea (and that's a lot of drugs), so after fifteen minutes of arguing we finally decided to draw straws, or blunts in our case because nobody had straw on them, and guess who got the short blunt?

Guess.

Me, because fanfiction main character plot bullshit.

"Why can't I just buy the cards with money? I'd feel a lot better if I just bought it with money instead of trading it in for banana milk." I'm on to pleading now, I'm widening my eyes and pouting at Jin through the rear view mirror and, well he just bats his eye lashes and flicks me off. I turn to Namjoon now, trying the same shit with him. "Please, Namjoon? Pretty please? Have mercy on me! Like what even is banana milk-?!"

"Sorry, man. It's the only way, you heard Jinyoung just as well as I did."

Well fuck you too, Crap Monster.

I'm about to complain some more when my future hoe-- I mean Jimin, turns around and says something for the first time since we left the dab mountain. His begging face makes me look like a I'm in a cast of an Adam Sandler movie. "Suga, please... do it for me..."

I swear there's a tear threatening to run down his sad face and I'll be damned if his begging doesn't get my dick a little hard.

I sigh, ignoring the growing uncomfortable tightness in my pants. "Ugh... fine."

I push myself out of the van and take a couple short breaths before entering the store, banana milk in hand and what I thought was a confident look on my face.

It took a while to find the cashier counter at the back of the crusty looking store. And when I say crusty looking store, I mean it's possibly the crustiest looking store I have seen ever. And yes, I've been to Home Depot.

Literally everything in here looks like its been sitting in its spot longer than Jin's been alive, even the crusty looking cashier.

"Uh hey, I need,... uh three Magic Carp Pokemon cards..." I said uncomfortably to him. He did a double take when his dead eyes looked up from his computer screen, obviously recognizing my face.

"Hey, aren't you in that one K-pop group, BTS?" He said eagerly, eyes practically raping my face.

"Yeah."

"Really?"

I nodded and waited for the usual 'oh I love your music' or 'where's big daddy Jungkook?' I usually try not to feel so cocky when I meet a fan and they start showering me with love and praise, but what can I say, I am pretty awesome.