ABDUCTED (a BTS Crackfic)

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TAEHYUNG

It didn't take long for me to realize it was a bad idea to go to a cornfield rave when I'm allergic to corn.

"It'll be fine." Jungkook said. "Just stay away from the corn and you'll be great." Jimin said. "You'll be so wasted you won't even realize you're dying from an allergic reaction." Yoongi said.

I should have never listened to them. But then again, when I think about it why the hell did I ever trust them in the first place? There were so many red flags when they talked me into coming, like the fact that they told me not to bring an epipen because the rave 'totally wasn't going to be in a corn field'.

Yeah, thanks for that Jimin.

I pushed myself off the beer can littered dirt floor before I could be trampled by a skank in six inch heels. Again.

So many people. So many lights. So much music. How the hell did so many people fit in a corn maze parking lot anyways? Why is the world spinning so fast? What is the meaning of life?

Yeah, I've been drinking a little. Smoking a little. Snorting a little. I can't even tell anymore. I can't even feel my feet anymore, but I could feel a rash crawling up the side of my face.

"It's just fruit punch." Hobi said. "It's not weed." Namjoon said. "Its cocaine, man." That crack dealer said.

Okay, well maybe I can be blamed for that last one, but that's not the point.

Don't ding me and tag me as the party pooper in our seven man totally-not-gay crowd. I love parties. I love raves. I even love corn for fucking Pete's sake. But something was a little fucked up with the whole scene, and it wasn't just because I'm high/drunk. Damn, it wasn't even the naked dead girl I saw in the bathroom stall.

It was probably the fact that the McDonald's across the highway fucked up my order three damn times! I honestly don't see what's so hard about not putting mayo in my BigMac. Man, I don't even like mayo. Or BigMacs actually, it's just that the guys were rushing me at the drive through.

Needless to say I was as pissed as Hobi before he got on that roller coaster a couple months ago. And that was pretty bad. Poor guy couldn't get the stains off his shorts for months.

But now. Now is being pretty great to me for once. It's like that old saying my grandad said before trying to ride his motorcycle at the bottom of our pool. Was it 'now is a gift' or 'smoke weed everyday!' ? I don't remember, but it was said at his funeral two days later.

I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. Everything is looking up, and not just that girl I knocked over by accident.

There's even a cute girl looking at me near the edge cornfield. Man I must be piped because that girl's skin is blue as Jimin's ass after Jungkook spanked him that one time. Nasty bastard, he liked it too.

But damn. I've always heard stories about people looking weird after you smoke too much of the right junk, but damn. This girl didn't even have a nose! And her rainbow dreaded hair looked like long giant deep fried McDonald's french fries.

Maybe they didn't fuck it up when she ordered her hair.

Still though... is it bad that I think she's kinda hot? Like in a hot blue girl staring at you by a corn-maze sort of way. Maybe she's foreign. She's probably foreign.

I started to make my way over to her, but then I stopped, remembering that I didn't know how to talk to girls. I needed some international playboy help, and I knew just the guy.