Falling Harder✔

Chapter Nine: Shattered dreams

"But as for him who feared the standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts. Verily, Paradise will be his abode."Al-Qur'an 79:40

Chapter Nine:

Shattered dreams.

                Murad's pov

Life was never the same nor what I dreamt of. Everything shattered into numerous pieces and I didn't know which one to pick. That's how my life was. Its destruction started when my dad passed away. Living with my mom wasn't that bad either but I missed the man I grew up to trail after his footsteps. He'd always say,"you can always wet the ink that wrote your destiny through your prayers." That was my father,my hero.

Being the firstborn in the house had so many challenges, be it being the role model or the protector of younger siblings. My mom was always there for us,she worked day and night to provide for us. I totally respect her for the love she showered us with however there was always that void,that you could never do away with. I still missed my father.

As years passed,turning to decades,I grew up to live with that void as part and parcel of my life. I became what life made me. In a way I became like a dad to my siblings and a friend to my lonely mom. She never expressed her grief however her eyes would always convey the unspoken words. She was gentle when needed and trust me,you'd misbehave at your own risk. Because the minute she laid your hands on you, you will cry out of the sandals she'd whack you with.

That was my mom. I still loved her. She was the strongest person I ever saw in my childhood. She fought for us and when we would cry at night,she'd wear my father's coat and embrace us tightly. She was the epitome of love. My mother,my paradise on earth.

Then there was her, Jannat. The one I loved with all the broken pieces of my heart. As kids we were best of frenemies- friends and enemies. She was a nice girl and the mention of her name always brought a smile to my face. Jannat was the reason I came back to Pune,our home town.

I never knew that upon coming to Pune,she'd be the first one I'd meet but trust me that was the sweetest thing ever. The same anger,the same attitude. This girl had driven me mad. The minute I discovered that she was going to marry someone else,the shattered pieces of my hurt pricked me waking me up from the dream I had to make a home with her,my dreams were shattered. I never felt that much hurt. When your world comes down crushing,that's when you realise that dreaming was meant for the weaklings, just like me.

My intention was never to own her. By Allah, she wasn't any sort of possession. I never wanted her to belong to me. I wanted her to be by my side as we grow old together, be each other's keeper and support one another until we die. But all wasn't lost,if she was destined to be with me,I prayed for her happiness, her wellbeing and a beautiful future with whoever she was destined with.

It was painful to live each day seeing the person you love drift away from you as each moment lapses. That hurt. What hurt more is when she was fretted about what I did. One thing was for sure, she abhorred my presence, she loathed me. I never made her smile but I also stayed away from whatever would upset her.

My mother always stressed about me and my future. And when I talk of my future it's marriage. Another ugly reality that I never craved for since the one I craved to be with wasn't destined to be my life partner. Why would I wish to get someone else the love I treasured beneath my hard exterior. The love that I always wanted to confess about. She was going away. And with her she took away that part of my heart that ached like crazy.

Who says that out of sight out of mind? Despite living with me under the same roof,she never spared me a second glance. I felt rejected. A man's pride would be his ego but in my shoes,she was my pride. I prayed to the Most loving, Allah not to attach me to what wasn't written for me. She was like the wind. Only meant to be felt.

I wanted to dissapear from her life. In fact even from this world that reminded me of whatever went amiss. My ultimate goal became paradise,somewhere where there was no room for grief, sorrow and tears and everyone would be forever happy. An eternity with Allah,the healer of all wounds.

I had a scarred heart that would take an eternity to heal but with the mercy of Allah everything happens at the best time that's destined for it to be. He only says be it to it and the entire thing takes action to transform to what was desired by Him. I entrusted these bits of my aching heart to Him. He was the best disposer of affairs and I declined to Qadar.

The day Tammana aapi delivered her baby,I was delighted. She deserved the entire happiness in this world. I had the baby in my arms and beside me was Jannat. What a perfect picture it would be if this was to last for an eternity.

Who am I to blame? The ink had dried and that's destiny that swept our lives helter skelter. I was fast to remove that imagination from my mind. She wasn't destined to be my future. What's the use of dreaming to be with her?

I was broken now, shattered really, robbed early of the tape and glue necessary to put my soul back together. My heart, poorly stapled shut, was beating hard but without purpose, my skin stretched across my aching muscles like a worn canvas. My mind was like a lost man at sea, desperate and starving for some reason to live. Desperate for a memory, good, warm, welcoming, one I could smile to.

It was difficult to remember the last time I genuinely smiled, which was soft but contagious, it had stained my lips like blood, the same blood I could taste as I bit my tongue hard to keep from screaming. But no one had seen my smile, not since the first time I stepped into that house.

I made my decision. I would go away from all that reminded me of her.That house,that neighborhood and that ambience that reminded me of whatever went wrong. It would be better if I stayed far from her since only one emotion resided in my heart,sorrow.

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Such a quick update!!! *Squeals*

This is for all those who love Murad. Hope you enjoyed his tale. 

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Tones of love ❤❤