Falling Harder✔

Chapter Twenty Four: Detachments and attachments

Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion. (Qur'an)

Chapter twenty four:
Detachments and attachments.

One day I will be gone
For me, people will mourn
I will not see the sunsets anymore
these wounds will no longer be sore

This pain will definitely end
when the angel of death will descend
I will no longer be known
a soulless body is what I will own

will you miss me? I wonder
will you yearn for me? I still ponder
When my body is lowered into the sand
and my soul is pinning to see you again
just hold my lifeless numb hand

your love is what i will never be able to refrain
don't shed tears for me my love
your prayers is all I'd love to have

Zara's janaza was being conducted from our home. People and relatives from all places came for her burial, including Yahya's parents. My to be in laws had come too. I must say it wasnt an easy task to handle both families, especially knowing what had happened a year ago. The moments that I had buried deeply within the numb corners of my heart excavated when I met their eyes for another round. I was sick of this feeling. i was homesick for a feeling that could calm the thunder in my tummy and swallow the storm in my eyes,- love they say, but right now, I craved for the chirpy Zara, the girl who made life an easy task.

I looked at her lifeless body shrouded in white sheets, she was gone. tears washed my face as I bent to kiss her forehead one last time. Who would say that her struggle had ended. Her smile was gone, she was no longer with us and perhaps that was how death got its name. I wished I could talk to her one more time, tell her about how much she meant for me or just bid her adieu one last time.

"How is it that we dream of so many things yet we know that even living a forever wont give you the pleasure of the sweet things in life because death always awaits you, its sad. we chase so many things forgetting that death is chasing us," Iram spoke. 

"She was our best friend, may Allah grant her jannah." Naseem prayed as she bent to bid farewell to the deceased. It was tough to live without her.

So funny was it, people who were called by their names, once dead are actually forgotten and their names are not mentioned any more except with the word 'late'.

The men carried the brier to the mosque for the salatul janaza. I found myself sobbing hysterically realising that it would be the last time I saw her face.

Tears stung my eyes as I watched her being taken away. My sister, how I wished I could sing her a lullaby, caress her cheeks and hug her tightly.
How I wish I could spend my life seeing her smile. But, the endings were as such that no one could fathom about.

"Zara, don't go. I love you, I really do. Come back please!" A weary Yahya cried out stopping the men from carrying his wife to her final abode. "Beta, just pray for her, she needs your prayers most!" His dad came in and hugged his son tightly.

"She promised me forever dad, why is she going away then?" He cried breaking from his father's embrace. He stood on the door, making a barrier for the men. He bent, opened her shroud and kissed her one last time as his tears kissed her face.

"Adieu my love, may Allah unite us in jannah." He said following the men to the masjid for the burial prayers. We women, weren't allowed to access the cemetery and never attended burial.

My eyes met with Murad's. His eyes were red and his smile gone. He was devastated too. However, seeing him rose a tingling feeling in my heart. God, grant him a long life, I prayed as the tears dripped down my chin.

The men were gone and the sobs grew more wild as people witnessed the janaza get carried away. You could cry an ocean but that would not wash away the pain of never seeing your beloved and that's the worst part about death.

***

Three hours had passed since she was buried. I went out on the pretext of seeing my friends out. We stood outside the cemetery seeing the freshly dug grave and a few flowers on her grave. She was now truly gone. I mumbled a prayer silently as my heart crumpled seeing her far away yet so close.

Upon reaching home, Murad's family was comforting mine. Yahya and his parents were still around. I walked in and mumbled salaam quickening my steps to my room. I overhead something.

"The only person who will be able to take care of my son is Jannat, she loved him and am sure she still cares for him deep down her heart," Yahya's mom spoke.

I felt my heart drop. I was gasped. What was that. I didn't want to hear more of it, my heart sank.

Walking a step forward I saw him. Murad. He had heard that too. My heart ached. I couldn't handle it break any further.

He plastered a smile on his face, " Jannat, I would never want to be a hurdle for you. You know that, I know you know that you mean the world to me but if you think you aren't going to be happy with me, you are free, the choice is yours." He said clearly.

I couldn't control it anymore, feeling him detaching himself from me was the worst feeling of them all. Our nikah was three weeks away and I had decided to have my life beside him.

I didn't want to imagine a day with Yahya let alone having an entire future with him, it made me sick. I had a choice. I never paved way for an option and Murad, God! He was the best choice I made in life. I didn't want to get myself stuck with Yahya, then later blame it on fate- Qadarullah. This was my only choice.

"Don't you think that we can talk more on our nikaah night? I would like to talk to you on our nikaah night. You gotta tolerate my rants." I chided trying to calm the havoc that threatened to sweep us apart.

I wanted to confess so badly, this feeling that kept on blooming in my heart was a new. It was the kind of attraction that got its strength from pain. I had mustered the art of pain but love, by God, this was new.

This feeling is so strange; it stretches throughout my whole body. It’s overwhelming, yet makes me feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth; it’s just absolute. It feels as though I’m in a dangerous fire, yet I’m completely safe at the same time. It feels as though someone’s given me peace. It feels as though my heart is dancing around my chest; and a hole, I was never aware was there, has been filled. I feel so light, like I’m on top of the world yet my heart is constricting and it feels as if there’s no oxygen in my lungs.

It’s strange – frightening even – how you can go from someone being a complete stranger, to then being completely infatuated by them and wondering how it ever was that you were able to live without them, because you sure as hell couldn’t imagine being without them now.