I keep thinking about her and as much as I want to stop these controlling thoughts, I can't. I have blocked her on all social media and I have to avoid her workplace which is the only mall where I live. Because I don't want to come across as creepy and with a peacebond on my file, I don't want to risk anything. I must be of good behavior for a year and even if that means focusing on school, I will do just that. My education and life are more important than anyone else.
I must learn self-care and how to properly and effectively take care of myself.
The woman I keep thinking about - Her name is Pina. She was from a recent support group I used to attend and I remember on one occasion she gave me a ride home when she wasn't supposed to. That's what triggered my obsessiveness. She said so many good things, how she was impressed and proud of all my accomplishments. She was amazed that I lived alone on minimum wage, and kept saying she couldn't do half the things I'm doing right now.
She not only gave me a ride home but she visits my workplace from time to time. So I'm not sure but I think she's a little obsessed with me as well; I'm just not too sure. I work at a supermarket and I've been there for like two and a half years. I've never seen Pina at my work until I started attending the support group (I had mentioned at the group where I worked).
So she would purposely pass by my department, smile, and say hello Victoria, how are you? She wouldn't buy anything. She would buy from our frozen section and sometimes I would catch her looking. This is what made me obsessed. Her behavior and/or actions have made this way. She made me think that she cared when she doesn't; maybe deep down, who knows.
I got banned from attending the support group for disruptive behavior and I pissed off a lot of people. Since that day, she avoids my department now. She intentionally goes to the bread section to bypass seafood while heading to the produce section. And as she does that, I can see her looking at me or maybe it's my anxiety.
This obsessiveness has to stop because it's not healthy.
She made me believe that she cares just like my old landlord who awkwardly touched me in a sexual manner.
She made me believe she would be there for me whenever as she verbally said this in person. I hate hypocrites. Now, she's pretending as if I don't exist and that we didn't meet. I'm aware that I'm a mess. However, don't promise things without following up on it... I hate people like this.
She reminds me of my old landlord, the first rental I came across. And all the things he did to me except she never touched me. I just looked up to her as a positive role model in my life. But I know she hates me these days and wants me dead in the ground.
I've caused disruption in a lot of people's lives and I'm ever so sorry for doing so.
I mean no harm but society see's this differently.
Society see's me as a dangerous individual but all I want is the support and to be listened to and understood. I'm not asking for too much.
But whatever.
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