I saw her today - Pina. Strangely, she waved at me with a smile and continued with her shopping. I like that a lot. However, I don't know what to think about it. I'm so lost these days that I'm not so sure what to think anymore.
I texted my Mom's friend as my own mother isn't even texting me. I told her friend, Kelly, that I was going to move away because I was tired of living the same old life over and over and over and over again. Truthfully, I am. I'm tired of it all! I'm tired of the people in it that just don't get me. I'm tired of people that look at me and then look away, wondering why I'm so awkward or messed up.
Get to know me as a person - PLEASE. That's all I ask.
If Gabe can get to know me as a person, why can't you? I don't get it. Our society is so messed up that it's making me not want to try anymore. I have this mental health event I want to host next year. However, I'm not as motivated like I was a month ago. Reason being, people are discouraging me. People are telling me I'M WASTING MY TIME.
I feel strongly discouraged as much as I want to do the things I want to do. I just don't know how to anymore. An event like this takes sooo much planning and I'm sad because I can't plan it to my expectations. ):
My life is slowly ending. And I'm aware I keep saying this in like all my chapters. However, I know I'm slowly losing it.
Life is just too much.
Nobody cares. As much as I want them to care, our society is not like this.
I could puke right now.
I could puke and puke and puke - - - - - -
Everyone that I once knew has walked out of my life for good. They have vanished out of my life. They have made their choice and opted out of helping me after making so many promises.
I don't what to think anymore.
What do people honestly expect of me these days?
I'm fully aware I'm the blame for most of my problems.
But first of all, I blame that sick, perverted landlord that LOVED to touch me whenever he felt like it.
He liked it too.
It was part of his fantasy that he dreamt of since I don't even know how long.
If I didn't meet Him, I would be living a different life. I know it. I wouldn't be working at this job. I would have a different job.
Who knows.
I wish I can restart something - - But I don't know how to.
Where's that restart button when you need it ever so badly?????
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