Toilet

Public Restroom

Hello Reader's,

Thank you so much for reading my story.  I know I haven't been updating as regularly, but (insert good excuse here) and (insert a really convincing excuse here) so I hope you understand.  I know this is a short chapter but I wanted to write something :) Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

 AMBER’S POV

“I can taste it,” the female vampire choked.  A potent aroma of curdling milk, rotten eggs, and death lingered in the air.  It was disgusting.  Fidgeting in my chair, I wished for nothing more than a hot shower.  Wiping wouldn’t suffice-even holy water wouldn’t cleanse the putrid demons in the air.  Evil surrounded me and I was leaving a trail of farts. 

“I’m sorry, you know how it is,” I excused, all too eager to move on. 

“NO! I don’t know how it is.  Vampires don’t…,” she gagged some more, “do that.”

“Amber! I know you can hear me!” Nicole screamed inside my head.  She’s really persistent. 

Yes, Nicole. I can hear you.  Can you please stop screaming! You know I get gassy when I’m nervous and now isn’t a good time-I thought, communicating with my best friend telepathically. 

“You’re alive! You were ignoring me!” I was bombarded with insults, love, and lectures.  Nicole cursed like she was getting paid to do it.  If I received a penny-I’m not greedy-for every time she said the “F” word, I would be a billionaire. 

After getting Nicole up to speed with everything, I looked at the Vampire in front of me.  I was brewing a crap, but I was trying to ignore the bubbling in my stomach.  Geez, they should introduce a label on those cheeseburgers-warning: secret ingredient: laxatives. 

I was crisscrossing my legs over and over again to overthrow the gut-wrenching pain.  It hurt to breathe.  It’s hard to be subtle when your butt cheeks sounds similar to that of a standing ovation. 

“There’s no rush-you can use the restroom if you need to,” the Vampire rushed.  She turned her head away from me, breathing frantically through her mouth.  She looked like she swallowed a cactus. 

Nicole was on her way here, but I felt motivated to see this thing through.  I wanted to discuss war strategies, make plans, and get things started.  I knew my future, but what I didn’t know was how much time I had left on this earth. 

Discovering I always have the best ideas on the toilet, I decided to take the Vampires advice.  Maybe, I could contribute something useful.  I want to help in any way I can. 

The bathroom had three stalls, all of which looked vandalized, dirty, and unsanitary.  I wasn’t known for being the most sanitary person, but even I have standards-low, but nevertheless, I have standards.  Picking the least diseased looking stall, I spend thirty seconds, making a barricade or a seat cover. 

Hovering was not an option for this mission.  It always amazes me how gross women’s public restrooms are.  It’s like everyone has male anatomy and nobody knows how to aim.   

Sitting on the toilet, I begin to make a mental check list.  Defeat the Illuminati, save Tim, change the world, and lose ten pounds-scratch that-the last part isn’t important.  After what felt like forever in a smelly old restroom, I began to perspire. 

I started to smell like onions from being in this blistering heat.  My legs were numb and the underparts of my knees were slick with sweat.  I stood up, glancing at my glory and was shell-shocked.  Nothing. All that agony and for nothing.  Constipated.  Is this how I’m going to die?

Maybe it was the chatty women that were bustling in and out.  It’s hard to focus when so many people act immaturely-hacking, gagging, choking, coughing, laughing and whatnot.  Quickly pulling up my pants, I decided to turn on every sink.  The heavy stream of water would act as a white-noise, giving me the peace and quiet I needed to conduct business. 

Feeling like a genius, I did my business and was wiping in no time.  As luck will have it, nothing ever goes according to plan.  The sinks started to overflow.  Three waterfalls mounted on the wall, it was as horrifying as it was beautiful. 

Quickly finishing up, I opened the door, revealing a small river.  There must have been at least 4-6 inches of water on the floor.  Not even washing my hands, I decided it was best to depart as quickly as possible to avoid getting in trouble-banned-or paying for X amount of restitution.

Anyone curious about how things are going with Tim and Victoria? Has Amber gotten smarter over the chapters? How can a human defeat the Illuminati?

Picture of AMBER on the right. :)