Loner | e.g.d.

- thirteen -

Today, 11.07am

Me: where are you

Ethan♥: home, good morning

Me: gm♥, when did u left

Me: and how tf

Ethan♥: i left when i made sure you were asleep

Ethan♥: and i sneaked out the way you did

Me: ohh

Me: when are you coming

Ethan♥: Imma drop off Nina at yours

Ethan♥: she asked if u could ask her mom to pick her up at 12

Ethan♥: when she leaves we're going to talk

Me: okay I'm home alone anyway

Me: idk how her mom believes she's coming here all the time

Me: also smh at nina

Me: were they too loud

Ethan♥: yeah it made me uncomfortable

Me: IUFBKJDS

Me: WHEN

Ethan♥: literally 50% of the time

Ethan♥: I hate having thin walls

Me: OHMYFKNSD

Me: HOW DO I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS

Ethan♥: huh you do

Me: WHAT

Ethan♥: you know that we have a piano and both of them know how to play it

Ethan♥: they did it together it was too loud smh

Me: ETHAN YOU BITCJ

Me:I THOUGHT THEY WERE ''PLAYING JENGA''

Ethan♥: hehe i never said that

Ethan♥: enough about them how's your foot

Me: idk it doesnt hurt rn but when i move it hella does

Ethan♥: what did you mom say

Me: she left early

Ethan♥: oh okay

Ethan♥: did u call my mom -nina

Me: yes 10 secs ago

Me: hurry up she'll be there in 20

Ethan♥: OH OKAY TY SENPAI -N

Ethan♥: imma get her there see ya

Ethan♥: SENPAI WTF

Me: ;)

Me: okay ttyl

   ✓ Read, 11.38am

---                                     ---

'Bye Nina!' Ethan and i shout as she was entering her mom's car. Something was wrong about Nina but right now I have no time to talk to her. I don't eve know yet why her phone was taken away-

Anyway, Ethan and I enter my house and I lead him to my room. I felt nervous because I didn't know what is going to come. I would hold his arm so I don't fall because of my foot, and I got goosebumps every time I touched him.

I was scared of the feelings i felt.

I was scared that I like him.

I don't want to love him or anyone, and liking usually leads to that. I'd get hurt.

Ethan helps me to sit on my bed and he does the same. Then he takes my hands in his and looks me right in the eyes.

'Things I'm going to tell you have to stay between us.' he tells me, bunch of mixed feelings carrying the hazel colour of his eyes. Sadness, madness, anxiety, happiness.

I nod at his words, being scared to say anything that might break those feelings. After thinking for a while, I just say that I promise I will keep it a secret.

I squeeze his hand, so he knows he can trust me. I see he's a little bit relieved, he smiles a bit and takes a deep breath.

'Okay, so um...' he stops, preparing himself; 'Our.. Our parents are never home, because...' he makes an eye contact for a second, 'because my dad has cancer and my mom is with him in Los Angeles, so he can get cured by the best doctors. I never told that to anyone. I was so scared. When Gray and I found out about it, Grayson started having anxiety attacks very often, and I started trapping the thoughts inside my mind. I was scared of saying anything because it might hurt him and make him have another attack. I didn't want to tell him what's on my mind either. When his anxiety attacks stopped, I tried to keep my sanity for him, as I did until then. But I couldn't take all of it anymore. Knowing Grayson and my sister Cameron are okay, I started getting high. I wanted them not to worry about me, I didn't want them to listen to me complaining. Every night when Gray was asleep I would just get high, so I can keep hiding my feelings about this whole situation. Eventually he found out about it. He talked to me for being stupid enough to do it, he was mad at me for not talking to him about this. He reminded me of everything I told him when he wasn't okay. I wasn't listening to myself but Gray did and he made me promise I won't do it again that much. I started doing my new artbook, he wanted me to replace every black drawing with a new, colorful one. My old drawings are like yours now. And I'm going to teach you how to escape depression. Last night I got high after four months. I wanted to go away one last time, to relax because of some reasons, but you found me. Proving me I wasn't alone even then. If it wasn't Grayson and you, I don't know what would I do.' he finishes and finally looks up at my face that was covered in tears.

I couldn't believe what he said, I couldn't believe he was keeping it all in.

'We are so similar'

-'Trust me, we aren't'

'Yes we are, more than you think.'

'I'm sorry for being like this Ethan, I'm sorry for everything I said to Grayson and you. I'm so sorry.'

'You don't have to b-'

'Yes I do Ethan.'

'Mannie I-' I interrupt him by kissing him.

I wish that moment lasted forever. His arms wrapped around me, my hands cupping his face. Even more emotions, feelings. 

Our lips were gently touching now, my forehead against his.

'You. Are. Not. Alone.' he says and leans in for another explosion of lips, with passion and being gentle, yet so powerful.

***********************

 Words: 897

Written: 09th April, 2017

Published: 27th August, 2017