silence ; phan

twelve

"So, do you like music?" Phil asks, us having finished playing Undertale for now, deciding that I'll come again to finish the game.

"Uh," I begin; because it's not a no. I do enjoy reading the lyrics of music, just clearly I don't listen to it. "yeah, kinda."

"What do you mean kind of?"

"I mean, like, I like music if it has good lyrics. It has to mean something. I don't really care about the sound."

"You're weird, Dan." He remarks, but his expression makes it look like it wasn't an insult, just a statement.

"I am, and so are you."

"I like that."

"I like that too."

We just smile, and I don't know whose smile is brighter. I suddenly cover my cheeks, remembering that I have dimples, and I hate them; but I don't want to stop smiling.

"What? Is it your dimples? I think they're c-cute."

I blush, which is something I also want to hide, but rather, I place my hands on my thighs.

"That's better." He says, pushing up his glasses. "My glasses suck, I know."

"No, I think they're cute."

"They're not-"

"They are! If you don't believe that your glasses are cute, how am I suppose to believe that my dimples are cute?" I protest, trying to convince him. Really, they are very much so adorable.

"Fair enough." 

I laugh, knowing I've convinced him or at least won the argument, that wasn't really an argument. I check the time on my phone; 7 pm.

"Uh, this is really fun, but I should probably get going. I'll text you when I get home, and see you tomorrow, but my parents would be pissed if I stayed out too long."

"Okay, that's fine." He says, and we stand up from his bed, and then he wraps his arms around me. he's sort of rigid, and I realise he's probably never hugged a friend before. His parents, maybe, though I'm not so sure if they're never home. I wrap my arms underneath his, and he softens, whatever was worrying him melting away.

"Th-thanks." He says, and I can see the stutter again.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"That was my first hug. My parents are assholes who decided that raising their child properly would be a bad idea." He says with a laugh that I can tell was forced.

"Oh my," I say, and I wrap my arms around him again, shoving my head into his shoulder. "I'm sorry," I tell him once the hug ends.

"Uh, I guess you should go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, you will, and be prepared for even more hugs from me."

His face lights up, and he walks me down the stairs, saying a last goodbye as I walk out of the door of his house. I like Phil. I like him more than anyone I've ever liked before. I think of him as I walk home, and how awkward he is. How he doubts himself, but it's fine, I do it too.

When I reach the house, Kaidan is leant up against the front, by the door, one hand on a cigarette between their lips, smoke lifting up into the cool air. They spot me, gripping the object between their teeth, using both hands to sign to me.

"Where were you?"

"Phil's house."

"Does Danny have a crush?" They tease, wiggling their eyebrows.

"No, I- shut up!"

"I didn't say anything, technically. I can't shut up."

I walk closer to them, taking the cigarette out of their mouth and dropping it onto the ground, crushing it beneath my foot before they have time to protest. If there's one thing I enjoy, it's annoying Kaidan.

They shove me on the side with an annoyed smile, pulling out a box of fags from their pocket and lighting another one up. I laugh and walk inside, being hit by a sudden warmth and the scent of freshly cooked food.