STARLESS EYES

I should have kissed you goodbye

The day I left you I tried to make you hate me
Because if you didn't hate me -
If you still wanted me -
How could I leave?

I walked the halls of our small apartment and brushed my fingers across everything I've touched
My palms were withholding light and my fingers were erasing my scent from our pillows

The day before I left, you told me you believed in the Greek myth that humans were made of four legs four arms four eyes two bodies two heads two hearts one soul
You told me Zeus had split the original humans in half and we searched all our lives for our soulmate - for our other half
You traced the scars on my hips, the stretch marks on my arms, and whispered you think you'd found your other half

I held you for as long as I could
I stained my side of the bed with tears
My hands clutched at the fallen stars I had pocketed for a rainy day
And I held them to your chest and wished upon the stardust that your heart stayed there

The day I left you I told you I couldn't love you
That loving you would be a cage and padlock to my heart
The day I left you told me to kiss you goodbye
But I told you your kiss was poison and your hands were a noose upon my neck

The day I left, I hid my heart in the folds of our blankets and in the crevices of your smile
When I left you, I wrote a letter to you and sent it out to sea
Perhaps Icarus has found it, perhaps I will drown instead of him

Leaving you has left me breathless
I search with palms slapping waves
With the weight of an oxygen tank upon my chest

In leaving you, I have learned -
I believe in the Greek myths too
I am Icarus
You are the sun
Our love were my wings
I melted the wax to save you from me
I have now fallen