STARLESS EYES

Notes You Sent Me

To Me
The day you left me the apartment lights went out. We had forgotten to pay the electricity bill and I stayed living in the dark for three months. It seemed fitting. Without you everything seemed shrouded in shadow, I should have told you I was afraid of the dark until you came along. You were the one lightbulb I needed to navigate the black of my subconscious.
From You

To Me
The first time I kissed you I had practiced what I would do. I'm a painter and the dimensions of your body were clear in my mind as I memorized its movements. I kept my hands always at your waist during these practices. I figured if I could hold you tightly enough you would let me in. You would feel the way I shook to keep myself from crying. Because kissing you would be heaven even if you promised hell.
From You

To Me
I still can't bring myself to admit you left. I find pieces of you everywhere, scattered on the floor they are the cracks that can make my cliff crumple. I found a picture I took of you when you were laughing at something on the television, the light casts shadows on the planes of your face. Half distorted yet shimmering with light, that is how I remember you. Sometimes I wonder how many pieces of you I will find before I fall of the edge.
From You

To Me
I don't regret you. I don't regret the nights when I forgot that sleep was necessary and the days I spent making lists of all the things I wanted to share with you. You are still on every list. Not realizing you were pulling away plays on repeat on my mind at night. Who needs sleep when their only regret is spending their days regretting losing you?
From Me

To Me

In-between you  and  me there is a     s p a c e. 

and there is an unimaginable crack of goodbye hanging in the ripped pieces of my lips. there is an I hate you bubbling in my throat but every fucking time I try to yell it what comes out are the words you said when you left me.

"you know this wasn't going to last. you keep making impressions on the furniture and on my body and I keep trying to refill them with the botox I shed from my concave heart."

from Me