STARLESS EYES

Straight on Till Morning

Someone remind me again why I cannot let you go. Is it because you are my flesh and I am your blood and the more I pull the more you push and we just seem to find our way to one another on a collision course with the magnitude of the Big Bang? Is that it? Is that why I cannot seem to find the string that will detach me from you? Because I've searched the multitude of jars of broken hearts I have in my cupboards and none of them have sewn string around me. And I need you to remind me to let you go. Because I repeat I don't love you in every hitch of a breath that leaves me and in every "delete all texts" I've pressed.

Someone remind me I'm supposed to love him. I told you I loved him. Then why is it we find ourselves tangled in bedsheets with tears we pretend are happy, with sweat we pretend is pixie dust, looking at a shadow on the face of the moon believing Peter Pan will come and take us off to Neverland? Why hasn't he come? And why is it that every morning I leave more pixie dust on your hands than the last?

Someone remind me why I should let you go. I know the reason but I'm tired of having to run away or run to catch my shadow. I'm tired of pretending that I own your heart more than you own mine. I pull heartstrings, ask the others I always have, but you cut mine and they snap like elastic bands in my eardrums and I can feel myself itching to stay the nights I should leave to be with him.

And I am a tormentor of hearts but you are not the crown jewel I need, you are the catalyst to my kingdom of carnage. You are gathering the pixie dust I leave and bottling it away - it is getting harder for me to fly to him.

But there is a voice inside me that always reminds me: Pixie dust can carry even the heaviest of hearts, sometimes we lose sight of the second star to the right, we don't always get to fly to Neverland and stay.

And most important of all, what reminds me I need to let you go, is that Peter never got to grow old with Wendy and you and I will not be any different.