STARLESS EYES

I Get It

"I wish I knew how to quit you." - Brokeback Mountain

I understand. I understand so much I want to cry. I understand this. I understand because I wish I knew how to too. I wish I knew. But all I know is your hands face eyes and mouth. All I feel are your hands fingers palms tongue. All I hear are your words whispers gasps. All I want is you you you. And god if I knew how to quit you I would. I would I would I would. Because wanting you is killing me. It is killing me killing me killing me. I want you out of my heart. I want you gone. I want to cut you out of this hole in my chest. I know nothing fills it but you but maybe if you aren't in it I can stop thinking. I hate thinking of you.

I need to quit you. I need to. But every time I try it's like trying to erase the stars in the sky. If I erase one how will I find my way home? And if I erase all, will I ever have a home? And I know you think I don't feel it. I know that when we pull away and I collect my clothes and you watch me disappear out the door - I know you think I don't feel it. You tell me all the time. This ripping. This burning. This ache in my stomach and in my arms and in my chest,

don't you see that I understand?

I can't quit you. That's why I'm here on my knees. I'm begging you, love.

Please quit me.