TRAUMA 《KTH》✓

one

"I'm gay." I stared on the ground, don't have any courage to meet her eyes.

"W-what?" After about 5 seconds, she asked, obviously won't believe about what I just told her.

"I'm gay, Eun. So you don't have to distance yourself from me. I won't fall in love with you."

Lies.

But I perfectly cover that lies by biting my lips and rubbing my nape.

"You must be surprised. I was thinking about telling you this but I just can't. I-I'm afraid if yo-"

"I understand, Taehyung." Her soothing voice enough to get all my attention as I turn back to her.

"You didn't mind with it??" Hesitantly, I asked her. Hoping she wouldn't mind to have a gay friend.

"Of course. Even though I'm a bit surprise with that, but it's not that bad. At least, you still able to fall in love." She answered, smiling genuinely but slowly fade away at her last sentences.

Yes, for now she's unable to fall in love.

She have this trauma and everything started from 9 months ago.

< FLASHBACK>

"Younghyun oppa!" I heard her cheerful voice echoing across the room.

I was smiling but sadly she didn't looking for me.

"Haeun, what are you doing here?"

Kang Younghyun, a bassist of our band. He can sing, he can rap and he can dance. But the most important is, he won her heart.

"I bought hot dog for you and a cup of ice coffee!" She smile and show him the things that she bought for him.

"Ah noona, you only bought for him? Not for us?" I interupt their conversation because I don't like it when he stare at her that long.

But I guess I'm just a loser. A coward loser.

"Ah, Taehyungie! What you want? I will go outside and bought for you!" Innocently she turns to me and looked worried.

This is why I love her, she's so innocent. So precious.

Yes I'm in love with her.

Even though she's belong to someone else.

Well, Younghyun and her are not officially dating yet. But I know their feelings are mutual. It's so obvious.

Younghyun were the one who makes the first move on her, and of course she welcome him as well.

It's just about time for me to accept the truth. The truth that she's not the one for me.

"I was kidding." I smiled at her and she return it before her attention set back on Younghyun.

I fake a bitter smile as I try to distract my self by took out my drawing books, thinking to fix my last sketch.

"Uh, Haeun. My friend need to see me, I'll be back in awhile. Just wait in here, okay?"

I heard Younghyun's voice which makes me turn to him who seems like just got text and about to leave.

"Sure. I'll be here then." She nod and although she didn't ask more. I know deep inside, she want to ask who he want to meet but she didn't at the end.

She looks sad.

No, Taehyung. Don't do anything.

But my foot betray me as I made my way to her.

"Noona! Suddenly I feel like having that coffee. Can you show me where you bought it?" I tried to cheer her up with my cheerful tone.

"Oh? You want it? It's pretty near, you can just turn l-"

"Can you show me? You know I'm bad at direction." I cut her off while smiling sheepishly. "It won't take long." I added quickly biting my own lips.

Feel guilty for lying to her.

"Oh.. okay then. Let's go." She smile at me and I almost lost it so I quickly let her walk first before I trailing behind her and slowly catching up beside her.

But I guess my request to her is the worst request ever.

When we almost reach the university gate, right after we turn left at the corridor, she stopped on her track out of sudden.

Cluelessly I look at her, and she widened her eyes and have this unbelievable expression.

She looks broken.

Immediately, I follow her gaze and with all the strength I have, I hold her wrist and pull her back to hide behind the wall where we coming from so she can't see that scene anymore.

I stare at her who standing beside me. She didn't fight me back nor give me any response but keep staring at the ground.

I feel guilty.

"I'm sorry." I whisper lightly, not brave to meet her eyes.

Slowly, I feel weight on my shoulder and also my shirt start to feel wet.

No, don't cry. Please don't.

I wish I could comfort her with words.

I wish I could hold her tight and tell her that she have me.

I wish I could tell her that I love her.

But no, I just let her cry on my shoulder but one thing I can do right now is, whatever happened I will never leave her.

No matter what happen.