Random Rammstein Dialogs/Stories

Ich bin der Reiter....

I've been given the keywords horse, crazy fan, beautiful and tomato abracadabra.
Enjoy 🙂❤

4 days before...

(Till, Paul and Schneider are sitting on the living room couch, watching some sort of advertising show...)

Paul: Hey guys? Isn't our vacuum cleaner broken?
Till: Nope, that's the dishwasher.
Paul: Ah...... why is it broken anyway?
Schneider: Cause some douche threw a milk bottle in there!
Paul: *eyes widened* That wasn't the bin?
Till: What're you mumbling there?
Paul: Ohhhh nooothiiiing, Tillie schatz, nothiiiing.
Till: ..... okaaay...
Schneider: This product is cool though. Its a vacuum cleaner that also cleans liquids. That'd be helpful!
Till: True, regarding that we spill all sorts of liquids here. And some I don't really want to clean up with bare hands...
Paul: Well let's buy it then!
Schneider: Yep, for the sake of the carpet and Richard's shoes!
Till: I hope that i really cleans EVERYTHING, cause Richard's nail polish stain from last year is still there too
Paul: Yeah yeah sure, I'll call it.
*Beep Beep*
Speaker: Hello?
Paul: Hi, I'd like to buy that vacuum liquid cleaning thing here on TV.
Speaker: Uhm...ok. So....
Oh, sir, you're the 100th caller today! You get a free delivery and a surprise with it!
Paul: Oh, that's great! Thanks bro!
Speaker: I'm a girl, but thanks sis!
*Hangs up*
Paul: Did she just...
Till: Sooooo?
Paul: Uh, we got it for free and theres a surpise in the delivery!
Schneider: Oh no, not a surprise again!
Till: Ohhh god, I remember last time there was a "surprise" in the box.
Paul: Wasn't there that electric toothbrush with that weird ass stain on it in there?
Till: Exactly, and you know what that stain was?
Schneider: Cause the postman HAD to take his dog with him, and he obviously stepped in dog shit.
Till: And for whatver reason he had a toothbrush with him so he scraped it off.
Schneider: And he probably never heard of a bin before, so he perfectly placed it in our box, onto our photoshoot uniforms.
Paul: Was really electric?
Till: Hell yeah, and we only knew for sure that it was when Flake pressed on that button and the next thing we knew was shit flying around us....
*DING DONG*
*All run to the front door*
Mailman: Here's your delivery and here's a surprise letter for you, see ya!
Till: If thats the fee I have to pay for drivinh against that lantern last week, then surprise isn't a suitable word...
Schneider: *opens letter*
HORSE RACE TICKETS?!?!?!?

(Present Day)

(Rammstein is sitting in the crowded stadium waiting for the race to begin....)

Till: Are the horses frozen or something? They have been standing there since 1 and a half hours!
Flake: Jesus, Till, calm your farm!
Till: If my farm has horses it won't be. I'm starting to dislike these creatures.
Paul: Come on, Tillie, we got these for free. All these other people paid for it.
Schneider: Why would you pay for shit like this?
Richard: *on his 5th cigarette pack* Mhm, agreed.
Flake: Pfff, Kruspe, why do you always need to blow that shit in MY face? Blow it in Ollies! He's asleep amyway.
*Pistol fires*
Ollie: *eyes burst open* Did Till finally die?
Till: No, but don't worry i will soon.....of boredom.
Schneider: But the riders are good...
Flake: I've seen better... *looks over to Till*
Paul: Are they all women? Sheeeesh, they really ARE good!
Richard: Well I know what I'm doing later *smirks*
Paul: Me?
Richard: .....yeah that too.
(The Rammsteiners sit in silence and watch the first round of the race finish. The second round begins, when suddenly....)
Some rider: OH MY GOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHH ITSSSSS TILLIESCHATZIDOODLESSCHNUCKI!!!!!!!! *Jumps off her horse and sprints up to the Rammsteiners*
Rammstein: What the....
(The crazy fan jumps onto Till and squeezes his lungs out of him.)
Till: I......can't....
.breathe!
Rider: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, IT REALLY IS YOU!!!!! And Richard!!!
*takes Richard's cigarette out of his mouth and takes a drag of it*
Richard: You..... *eyes narrow, breathing gets heavier, pulse rises*
No one. Steals. My. CIGARETTES!!!!!!
*jumps at her, but Paul holds him back just in time*
Rider: I just smoked RZKs Cigarette!!!!!!!
Richard: You're gonna die. Now.
Rider: Oh my god guys, I love you guys so much, like Till, you're like my man crush and Richard you too and Paul, you're so cute amd i just love your haircut and Schneider you're so sexy and Ollie is so shy, i love it and Flake......you're just like there, but.....
Flake: Hey i want a compliment now too!
Till: That WAS your compliment!
Paul: Well, Beautiful, we're very honored to be your idols then.
Rider: Yes, like, i love you guys!
Richard & Flake: I don't.
Rider: Awwww why not?
(While Richard and Flake argue with the Rider, the others get together)
Ollie: Damn that girls beautiful.
Paul: Damn yeah she is. Can't believe Richard doesn't like her. He even went for Conchita Wurst that one day, but not for this one?!
Till: Damn right. This one's beautiful.
Schneider: Only word to describe her, beautiful.
*all nod*
Rider: Hey, you have....cool glasses, Flake!
Flake: I'm not talking yo you.
Richard: You just did?
Flake: Ach ne du Klugscheisser!!**
Rider: Oh, I think it's a break in the race right now! I think I'll go grab a drink.
Richard: Yeah, GO!!
Till: *smirking* You know what, we'll invite you on a drink. On us!
Paul: Agreed.
Ollie: Yep.
Schneider: Okey dokey!
Flake: Nononononono she's paying her own shit!
Till: 4 against 2. And I insist!
Rider: Why aren't you a gentleman?
Till: Right you are, Beautiful. Heard that Reesh?
Richard: Hrmph.
Till: Paul! Come, we're buying something nice to drink!

15 minutes later...

(Paul and Till come back holding 7 cups filled with some red liquid... They give one cup to everyone)

Everyone: Takes a sip.
Ollie: *pffff blech* What teh heck is that?!
Richard: God, its awful!
Till: Paul, are you sure that bird only pooped on your SHIRT? Or in all of our drinks?
Paul: I have no idea....
Rider: This tastes disgusssszzzzz....*falls asleep*
Flake: Sheeesh what is in this?
Till: It was some cocktail called Tomato abracadabra.
Maybe the alcohol was too much for her....
Schneider: Honestly, I really like this!
Flake: Oh not again!
Schneider: Hey, we can add a free sample of this to our deliveries for the deo!
Ill go ask for the recipe!*sprints off*
Till: Are his tastebuds broken?
Flake: Yep....

**No shit you know-it-all!