Random Rammstein Dialogs/Stories

Das Modell

I've been given the keywords Magazine, Armpit, Mouse and Applause. Enjoy ;)

(Setting: Rammstein has been invited to a photoshooting for a new magazine cover. Till and Richard are excited to be the stars of the show again after so long, Paul and Schneider worry about how badly their newly discovered grey hair will show, and Flake and Ollie just want it to be over already.)

Till: Richard! Stop posing in front of the mirror! You will have time for that in a second. Stop showing off your ever so perfect body.
Richard: Well at least I have a good body compared to you. You've gotten fat, Till. I haven't. I am still perfect.
Ollie: And that Till just called you perfect doesn't bother you, does it?
Richard: Why of course not. I find it amusing that he is angry about my perfection.
Till: I am not angry
Flake: Can we maybe go inside? I wanna get over this.
Richard: Anyway, Oliver, were you just saying that I am not perfect?
Ollie: I never said that, I was just...
Richard: JUST WHAT????
Flake: Guys, can we GO?
Ollie: I was just saying that maybe there are more perfect people in this world than you?
*the band turns to look at Ollie with a *oh fuck* face*
Richard: WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY????
Ollie: nothinghowaboutwejustgoinside *runs inside*
Richard: Oh ok, if thats all he wants

The band goes inside the photostudio to find the Photographer waiting for them impatiently.

Photo guy: OHHHH finallyyyyyy. After decades of sitting in this cold cell, you arrive. Thank the holy Lord!
Paul: Yeah, yeah no need to exaggerate your excitement. We are here now for your pleasure.
Richard: HEY I am the pleasure here.
Ollie: Can someone please tape his mouth?
Richard: WHAT DID YOU SAY????
Ollie: Can someone please get me a mouse?
Richard: Ohhhh, and I thought you said something else. These voices in my head
Ollie: Mhm, voices.
Photo guy: A mouse you want?
Ollie: Well, no, but...
Photo guy: Well then today is your lucky day!
Flake: Please don't tell me that...
Photo guy: For your shooting today, I brought six mice for a special effect!
Schneider: .
Flake: .
Till: Uh....
Paul: AWWW how cute!
Photo guy: Yes, yes very cute. So what I would like you all to do is take your shirts off...
Richard: .and have sex with me, yeah, continue.
Photo guy: Yes, and then I would lie you all to stand in a row and show me your armpits.
Schneider: Our what?
Richard: Armpits, are you deaf?
Till: But... isn't that a bit of a weird pose then? Like for a magazine cover?
Richard: Yeah it will be weird because we will only see 5 armpits cause yours is covered by your fat! Ha!
Till: iveactuallylost10kilosbutok
Photo guy: NOOOO it will look great! The mice will be on your shoulders and with all of your armpits, it will get everyone's attention.
Flake: I wonder why.
Photo guy: Don't be so negative Mr. Lorenz. You will look great too for once thanks to me.
Flake: Oh, if you put it that way! *mumbles* I'll shove the mouse into YOUR armpit.
*Rammstein takes their shirts off, the Photographer eyeing them from the corner of his eye. Richard notices this and turns towards him with his muscular body*
Photo guy: Ohhhhhhhhhhh
Schneider: Are you ok?
Photo guy: I am more than ok...
*The Rammies get in front of the greenscreen, standing in a row. Slowly but steadily the photographer puts a mouse on each of their shoulders*
Flake: Oh god, they stink like hay!
Till: You stink.
Flake: Yeah, like your bedsheets.
Till: *blushes remembering last nights devastating events*
Paul: Well, we all know how Till's bedsheets smell, right?
Photo guy: I'd like to know how it smells too ;)
Ollie: I want to go home.
Photo guy: I want to come with you.
Flake: JUST TAKE THE DAMN PICTURES YOU CREEPY NOODLE!
Till: YOU'RE A NOODLE!
Flake: YOUR DOODLE IS A NOODLE!
Till: Sorry not sorry...
*Flash*
Photo guy: *applauding* That was great with you fighting! Do it again!
Till: Hey!
*Flash*
Photo guy: *applauding* Ohhhh great with that confused look, Mr. Lindemann!
Richard: Oh god, I think the mouse farted in my face!
Photo guy: *applauding* Very good disgusted face Mr. Kruspe!
Richard: Oh god. it really stinks. I'm a celebrity get me out of here!
Paul: Me too please.

3 hours later.

*Rammstein walks out of the Studio, completely traumatized and exhausted*
Schneider: I am going to take a bath in the nearest water I can find.
Flake: We all should.
Photo guy: Can I join you?
Paul: Sure, just go into that building over there, we'll be right there!
Photo guy: Okey dokey friends. *walks into the entrance of the police station across the road saying 'Prisoners only'*
Paul: Ok guys, let's run.
*Rammstein runs off into the distance, their next adventure awaiting them*