Random Rammstein Dialogs/Stories

Weisses.... Zeug!

I've been given the keywords yoghurt, lantern, lighthouse, crane and mayonnaise.
Enjoy 😆❤

(Setting: Rammstein were feeling uninspired the last few days, so they decided to treat themselves once again. Till wanted to see the ocean again, so they went up to the Nordsee of Germany. It's a warm evening as Rammstein is getting toured around inside a ancient lighthouse....)

Tour guide: ....and that's why the lighthouse is held up by that crane outside. One wrong step and the entire thing could crash. So it's just a matter of time until the last tour has been made!
Till: Ah, right. Sounds safe.
Paul: It's not tempting at all to step out of line, nooooooo.
Flake: Paul, if you do that, I'm going to take away your little toy cat which you sleep with every night!
Paul: NO, NOT SCHOLLE!!!!
Richard: Wait, what? Why does it have my nickname?
Paul: Oh, that... that's your nickname...? Uh.... I didn't know that... noooo.
Tour guide: Well that's the end of the tour. Please proceed down those stairs, but better not hold onto the rail. It may brake off.

(Slowly the tour group heads back down. The Rammies walk out onto the foreground of the lighthouse, enjoying the view from the cliff....)

Flake: OH WHAT A GREAT VIEW, I see nothing.
Ollie: I offered you to take you to the eye doctor to get new glasses but you didn't want to.
Flake: Yeah, the doctor is so weird. Last time he put his pen inside the box instead of my glasses, and didn't want to be believe me when I called him the same night.
Till: No one would believe anything you say on the phone, Flake. Already how you answer it. Be greeted, fellow phone user. Flake Lorenz on the other end of the connection, how can I please Thee? Nobodies calling us anymore. At least not on the studio phone anyway.
Schneider: Hey, how about you keep on arguing inside that café over there? I'm starving.

(They walk over to the small, but comfy café and take a seat outside on some pillow-covered benches. The dimm light of a lantern gives a warm touch to their small table. A waitress arrives soon, the Rammies ordering two big bowls of fries with mayonnaise and six beers....)

Waitress: Here you go, two fries and six beers.
Flake: What only two fries? I thought two bowls?!
Schneider: Look, you idiot!
Flake: Idiot yourself! I can't!
Schneider: Och......
Ollie: Hmm, the mayonnaise tastes a bit like.... nothing.
Richard: Pff, let me taste. *eats one chip* Hm, guys, it tastes like nothing.
Schneider: Kinda tastes like yoghurt. Its fresh. I like it.
Flake: No, this is unacceptable! I'm going to complain!
Till: Oh come on Flake! It tastes fine.
Flake: Till, I can't see you, but I know you're really making a face at the Pommes, and wishing I would go, but you're not saying it for Schneiders sake. But dear Tillie, I have a lactose problem, you know that, so Ketchup would suit me better.
Till: Tz, Ketchup. Sugar with Tomato flavour.
Richard: I agree with Christian. Till, just think of the ketchup as Mein Teil.
Till: GO GET THE KETCHUP!!!!

(Flake jumps up at the boom of Tills voice. His head bumps against a small lantern above his head. The lantern swings a few times, before eventually the chain attached to it starts to squeak. Without a warning, the lantern crashes directly into the bowl of fries on the table, breaking its glass....)

Till: Och Flake....
Flake: Da heck was that?
Paul: Ew, is that wax running onto the fries?
Schneider: Oh cool! *dips a chip into the wax and takes a bite from it*
Paul: You're crazy!
Schneider: *stuffs more into his mouth* No dear Pfaul, if you dfon't try new fings, you're not foing to achieve anyfing in life.
Flake: So should I go get the ketchup?
Till: HELL NO!! Before you crash the entire lighthouse. Lemme go!
Ollie: Flake, we're going to the glasses shop tomorrow.
Flake: But...
Richard: No buts! Flake, don't you miss seeing me, I mean us all?
Flake: Actually.... No, it's quite nice not having to see your ugly faces anymore.
Richard: Flake! Stop being so mean to them.
Flake: I meant you too.
Till: *coming back, talking to a waitress* ....but it wasn't on purpose! Plus, the food was crap!
Waitress: But you still destroyed our decorations. I don't have another choice than to let you pay the fine. We can put the 5 Euro from the fries off the 300 Euro bill if it makes you happy.
Richard: Chill it, Till. I'll pay it...

(Richard goes up to the waitress and starts talking with her while the other Rammies go out onto the parking lot next to the lighthouse....)

Till: Fucking hell, Flake get glasses!
Flake: Jaja...*keeps on walking*
Schneider: Flake watch out in front of you!
Flake: What...*walks straight into the crane holding the lighthose*
Flake: Aua...

(The crane makes a small *bing* and the lighthouse starts to tip....)

Richard: Guys, I managed not having to pay. What would you guys do without me, seriously!

(That moment the lighthouse gives up its balance and falls down the cliff with a huge SPLASH....)

Richard: Ok, I'll use my tongue this time....

Hope y'all enjoyed this one again.
Thanks for all your reads
Lia xx :)