non-binary → phan (on hold)

6. pastel

(trigger warning: homophobic slurs and violence)

phil-

billie hummed a tiny tune to herself while we waited for dan to exit the bathroom. i tapped my foot impatiently against the hardwood of her bedroom floor. connor clicked his fork against the side of the plate with a sigh. "he's been in there for a while. do you think he's okay?" 

billie grunted. "yeah, they better be." she laid down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. "if not, i don't know what i'm going to do with the kid. he deserves to dress the way he wants without caring what other people think. and if it means wearing dungarees so be it. i can wait until they're comfortable with wearing skirts one day and then all black the next depending on what gender they're feeling most like."

"i am so confused," i said with a groan. "i am completely supportive of dan, but the whole 'he' sometimes and 'they' other times makes me all messed up in the head and forget that a person being not necessarily she or he is still a thing that can happen. it's gonna take a while to get used to, i guess. but i'll try my best for dan." 

billie shrugged. "it took me a while to get used to it too, but it gets easier. i'm just glad that you guys are supportive of dan." 

i smiled. "dan is a good person. they deserve support and happiness." 

"you know, i can hear every single word you guys are saying," dan said, his voice gradually getting louder as he approached the bedroom, "and i'm glad that you guys are supportive of me and everything, but i'm really uncomfortable in this outfit." 

they stepped into the room. now, i've only second-guessed my sexuality once, and that was the day i learned that i was bisexual - but i leaned more towards girls. that being said, i would never admit to anyone whenever i thought a guy - or in this case, not really either gender - was attractive.

but i would sit here and tell dan for years until he believed me that he is pretty. 

i smiled at him. he grimaced in return as billie shrieked, jumping up and wrapping her arms around dan's waist. "you're so beautiful, danny! oh my- i love it! keep the outfit, please, please, please." 

"i have to agree with billie," i spoke up. dan smiled. "you do look pretty." 

dan sighed, looking to the ground in defeat."fine, i'll keep the outfit." he rolled his eyes at billie's squeals of joy. "but only because you guys want me to. i honestly feel super weird and really just want to go back to all black." 

connor shrugged, holding out. a plate that had a slice of quiche on it. "want some?" 

"of course," dan scoffed. "i'm the one who made it yummy, after all." 

⌲

i watched dan clutch the coffee closer to his chest. their eyes flitted around the room nervously, as if somebody would suddenly stand up and take the coffee that was being held so tightly from him. i frowned. how often was it that dan was stuck in these situations? billie reached across the table, squeezing dan's white-knuckled hand reassuringly.

i hadn't agreed to billie coming with us at first, but dan had insisted she come to help dan avoid awkwardness. eventually, i shrugged it off. most of the time it was as if she wasn't even here; she sat on her phone and would occasionally reach over to comfort dan if need be.