Broken Until Him

Chapter 27 ~ Truth

"Truth is something I've grown apart lately. I found it easier to survive each day by lying to myself.

Every day that passes, you feel a little bit better. Your parents don't avoid looking at you because you remind them of your sister, they love you. One day, you will feel better and whenever you will think about your sister, a smile will form on your face as you reminisce the good time you had together. Your boyfriend loves you and everything is perfect between the two of you.

Some would say it's just about staying positive in your life. I would say it's just a way to feed yourself with lies until you don't remember what the word truth means.

But the truth comes back at you. You can keep running, it runs faster. And one day it's there, right in front of you. And you have no other choice but to take it. Because the lies you pilled up in your head are crumbling down one by one and you need something to hold on to. And at this precise instant, there is only the truth.

Now, do you still want to know the truth?"

It has been three weeks since the incident at the wedding, two weeks since I last saw my father and one week and a half since I last saw Nathan. The last statement is the worst. His absence is hard to bear. He stayed really elusive about why he hasn't been to school lately. He would tell me he was ill and each time I asked if I could come visit him, he would either not answer or he would tell me he didn't want me to be ill because of him. This is all bullshit.

He has been distant for the last two weeks and if I was really honest with myself, I would probably admit that it started right after the wedding. But I'm not, I'd rather lie to myself so I don't think I'm the reason behind this. I'm so stupid.

But since I can't seem to say what is on my mind without overthinking it, I keep my mouth shut and deal with the internal conflict in my heart. Although I try not to think too much about the situation, I can't spend more than five minutes without thinking about him.

I pull into the parking lot of the coffee shop and park my car on the far end of it. Drowning myself in work seems to be a good idea, I might even do overtime work. Just as I'm about to open the back door Nina flies it open, carrying two heavy trash bags. I help her throwing them in the dumpster and then wipe my hand on my jeans as she does the same on her brown apron.

"We better get back inside before it starts raining," she says as I feel the first drops of rain on my face.

Great, even the weather suits my mood.

* * *

My shift is almost over and I seriously consider taking the next one as well. My feet are aching and I have spilled coffee all over me but at least I don't think about him. I just did. Damn it.

I slowly shake my head as I pour milk into a cup.

"Everything is alright?" asks Nina, a frown appearing on her forehead. "You've been really quiet today."

"Yeah, everything is fine," I tell her, looking right into her eyes with a large smile.

She returns my smile without questioning me further and goes back to the counter with three cups in her hands. I sigh and follow her. Sometimes I hate myself for lying like this but I really don't want to talk about Nathan right now. What's the point?

I place the two hot chocolates in front of the customer and wait for her to pay. I thank her and take the next order. As I'm about to head for the machines, Hannah enters the coffee shop with a bright smile, probably the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face. I'm a little taken aback for a few seconds. I know she was supposed to be out of the hospital today after the fever that forced her to stay three more weeks there. But I definitely wasn't expecting her to come here. I'm about to call her name but she turns her back to me, looking at the door. She glances back at the numerous customers with a frown and leaves the room.