Flores Mortem

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! Trigger Warning ! : Self harm and suicidal thoughts : Swearing :

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Lance POV:

                              Flores fucking Mortem.

In case you didn't know, Flores Mortem is when flowers grow from self harm until you get help.

But I don't want help.

I deserve the pain.

I am a horrible human who can't do anything right.

I should just die.

But here I am, with flowers blooming from my recent self harm cuts. I couldn't help but look at the anemones for a while. 

fading hope...

A tear falls down my face. Quickly wiping it away, I grab some bandaged and wrap my arm up, squishing down the flowers. Feeling content with how hidden the flowers were, I slipped on my jacket and head to breakfast.

"Late as always, Lance." Allura says with a sigh.

I simply ignore her and take my seat by Keith. I just want to eat and get the fuck away from everyone.

In the middle of eating, I feel a tug on my arm. Well, shit. I glance down and see a small lump on the sleeve of my jacket. It's probably those tiny purple verbenas again. I continue to eat and hope no one will notice. It's not like they pay that close attention to me anyway. 

I feel more tugging and start to get worried. I really don't feel like being found out right now. I shove the rest of the space goo in my mouth and speed walk out. Hopefully they won't suspect anything.

Arriving to my room, I roll my sleeve up to see an array of flowers poking through my messily wrapped bandages.

Bellwort...Helplessness

Nightshades...Dark thoughts

Raspberry Blossoms... Regret

Marigolds... Despair

I sigh and groan and plop down on my bed. I don't understand. How could something so beautiful from someone so ugly and useless? I start to feel tears well up in my eyes. I don't even try to get them to go away. I simply let them run down my cheeks.

I'm useless, just a 7th wheel, easily replaceable. No one cares about me, no one loves me. They all hate me.

The tears are growing and more flowers are blooming. I reach under my pillow and grab my razor. I chop off the flowers and add a few more cuts to my arm. There's not a lot of room left. I wince at the sting the blade leaves, my arm aching, yet there is a want for more. It's addicting really.

I decide against adding more as I see leaves already poking through my new cuts. I decide to just sit and watch them grow. Turns out that was a bad idea.

knock knock

"Just a minute!" I don't have time to bandage myself so I just put on my jacket and press my arm against my chest, folding my arms. Hopefully this will do.

I open my door.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? You ran out pretty fast..." Hunk tries to look past me into my room but I quickly block him, remembering I had left some flowers on the bed.

"Yeah, just wanted to take a nap, that's all."

"Oh, okay. Are you sure?"

"Mhmm" I nod my head. Suddenly, there is a soft tug at my arm. I glance and see flowers peeking through the sleeve of my jacket.

I quickly put my arm behind my back.

Hunk looks at me suspiciously.

"What? Don't look at me like that."

"What are you hiding, Lance. I've known you long enough to know something is wrong."

"I-" My voice cracks "I'm n-not-" damn it, I'm breaking.

My eyes sting as I feel tears form. Hunk raises an eyebrow.

"I just-" I couldn't hold it any longer. I start to cry and bring my arms up to wipe my tears, forgetting Hunk would see the flowers.

I feel myself get engulfed in a giant hug. I slowly hug back.

"Why?"

"I don't know..."

"I'm here for you, okay? We'll get through this together." Hunk smiles sadly at me. I nod and sadly smile back.

Maybe, things will get better...

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lol I kind of rushed this but oh whale.

I wish I could update and write more but school is an ass and my mental health decided to jump off a cliff so there's that. honestly, just trying to help myself relax during Thanksgiving break since I've been stressed the last few weeks at school. Let's hope I can find motivation to write oof yeet.

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