Langst One-shots

Broken Boy

TW: Self Harm-Suicidal Thoughts/Actions-Panic Attacks-Swearing(not a lot)

This one is gonna be dummy sad (doesn't help I was sad when writing this) so grab yo tissues.

NOT PROOFREAD im tired and lazy okay

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   Lance's body shakes as he struggles to breathe. The room was spinning and the voice in his head seemed to taunt him. 

   You will never be good enough.

   You are replaceable.

   Just a seventh wheel.

   Lucky cargo pilot.

   No one cares about you.

   No one loves you.

   Lance chokes out a sob, curling himself into a ball. His head throbs and aches, his eyes burning from the endless stream of tears flowing from them.

   He couldn't breathe no matter how hard he tried. The panic was pounding against his skull and squeezing his lungs until he eventually stopped crying.

   Quiet.

   The castle was eerily quiet this time of night, the only sound being heard was Lance's heavy breathing.

   'Thank God for these soundproof walls' 

   After gaining his composure, Lance was exhausted. He laid down into his bed and sighed. Panic attacks had started to become a regular thing the Cuban, much to his dismay.

   An hour passed and Lance was still wide awake, his body refusing to let sleep take it's course.

   Figuring he might as well do something useful, Lance gets up and heads to the training deck. Luckily, Keith wasn't there. Then again, it was two in the morning so Keith really wouldn't have had a reason to be there.

   Lance activates his Bayard and sets his stance.

    "Start training level three." 

   Three bots fall from the ceiling and run to the blue paladin. Lance shoots the one headed straight for him, then quickly ducks and swipes the other two bots feets causing them to fall. He shoots them both.

   Lance continuously raises the difficulty throughout the night, and heads back to his room in exhaustion at around five. 

   He falls into his bed and passes out, hoping he'd have the strength to get up an hour later.

~~~

   "What we're you thinking, Lance?! You could have gotten us killed!" Shiro screamed. 

   "Yeah, that was pretty fucking stupid." Pidge huffs and crosses her arms.

   "You can't be so reckless, you almost compromised the whole mission!" Keith glared.

   "You need to stop goofing around and take this seriously." Allura shook her head disapprovingly.

   Hunk looked at his friend with concerned eyes. The word's were a bit harsh but Lance seemed fine.

   "Those were some harsh words, you go-" Hunk's whisper was cut off.

   "It's okay." Lance smiled. Hunk sighed in relief.

   Lance apologized to the team for messing up and quickly retreated to his room.

   The tears fell as soon as the door shut behind him. He rushed into the bathroom and grabbed a razor. It was cold to the touch.

   Lance slid down against the wall and sat on the floor. He shakily put the razor to his arm.

   What we're you thinking?!

   The words echoed in his mind, drowning out all rational thoughts. Then he cut. He winced at the burning sensation in his arm, but quickly put the blade pack to it.

   Could've gotten us killed!

   Another red line found it's way onto his mocha skin.

   Pretty fucking stupid.

   So reckless.

   Compromised the mission.

   The stinging of three more cuts caused Lance to let out a wimped before he continued.

   Stop goofing around.

   Take this seriously.

   By now, Lance was numb. Both mentally and physically. His hand seemed to act as if one auto pilot, violently running the razor across every inch of his arm.

   Lance soon came back to reality and dropped the blade. Mumbling curses, he quickly washed and bandaged his arm. Lance puts the razor under some towels and leaves the bathroom. It was game night after all.

~~~

   The team had already started to play without him. Lance waited from behind the door, listening to the team laugh and joke without him.

   Lance smiled bitterly and decided it would be best to just leave them be. They did better without him anyway.

~~~

   It was two days before Lance's birthday and said boy was feeling very down.

   A swarm of negative thoughts filled his brain. 

   You aren't needed.

   They hate you.

   You have no purpose.

   Why are you alive?

   Lance knew these thoughts we're true. No one would care if he was gone. Podge has Hunk. Keith has Shiro. Allura has Coran. And Lance? Lance had no one.

   So, Lance made a choice.

   He ran himself a bath and grabbed the razor he had become familiar with. He got in with his clothes on and lifted his sleeves. 

   Tears burned into his cheeks as the blade went from wrist to inner elbow on both arms. He cried until he simply couldn't anymore and let his world fade to black.

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Oof.

My doggo snuggled with me while I wrote this :')

Thanks pupper for the support.

Hope you enjoyed

Don't forget to take care of yourself and I love you all <3

(And imma write the teams reaction to his death soon)