Fit Her Shoe [Gottfred & Lorin]

Kabanata 16

Gottfred and I spent the entire night together, his comforting embrace providing me with everything I needed at the moment. Alam kong kahibangan. Malaking katangahan. But when he uttered that simple word of apology, it quickly melted the anger inside me. Because to begin with, I could not bring myself to be angry with him. In this story, he should not bear the blame for my sufferings.

It was all on me.

I did this to myself.

“You waited for me?” he asked as he gently stroked my hair with his slim, long fingers.

My eyes fluttered as he drew me closer to his side. With utmost care, he lifted my head and rested it on his chest, holding me securely in his embrace.

Marahan akong tumango bilang tugon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito siya ka-sweet sa akin ngayon. Kanina lang sa opisina ay umaapaw ‘yong galit niya. But it did not matter to me right now. What important was he was here with me. Siguro din ay pinagbibigyan ako ngayon. It was the night before my birthday and him lying next to me was the best gift I could ever receive.

I could not ask for anything anymore.

“You should’ve went home. You are too stubborn to wait there until ten. Paano na lang kung—Whatever,” he scolded me with a grunt.

“Ang sabi mo ay sabay tayong uuwi kaya hinintay kita. Parating hihintayin kita,” sagot ko.

I said before that after this whole play-pretend thing, I would move on from him. I would find myself a better man because that was what I deserved. But I should not have agreed to this setup in the first place, dahil ngayon, pakiramdam ko ay naging makasarili ako. Mas binigyan lang ako ng dahilan para huwag ko siyang sukuan.

But until when, Lorin? How far and low would you go before reality slapped you in the face? Before you stop and accept that what you had was not a fairytale you had been reading and dreaming as a child?

But maybe, I really had to experience the worst first before learning my lessons. Maybe, I needed to learn my lessons the hard way.

I purred more to him like a kitten to her owner. Gottfred’s chest, despite being like a solidwood, still felt so comfortable.

“Tulog ka na ba?” he asked with his voice so sweet like honey.

I snaked my arm around him instead of replying, a wordless gesture to tell him I was still awake. I sniffed his all-spice perfume, making me more sleepy. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung totoo pa ba ito o nananaginip lang ako. If it was the latter, then, I did not want to wake up anymore. Dahil sa buong buhay ko ay ito lang naman ‘yong ginusto at pinangarap ko.

Could we just stay like this forever? Could tomorrow not come anymore? Could he go back to the Gottfred I fell in love with?

Why?

Why it had to be him?

Why, despite of all the heartbreaks he brought me, it was still him?

Pero kung bukas ay babalik siya sa Gottfred na malaki ‘yong galit sa akin, pupuwede bang gumising na ako sa mga kahibangan ko?