Kenney: Still Waters Part 2

Chapter 45

It wasn't that easy to get at Rico. I had to wait...and watch...and wait some more. Not only was Rico also watching me, as usual, but now he always had Remmey with him, too. Always. Even at the house. Now his right hand was always around. And Remmey was not to be fucked with.

At all.

Since I was a little kid, Remmey had always been my favorite. He had always looked out for me. On the streets and at home, just like Uncle Rico. But there was never any question where Remmey's loyalties lied. And he never tried to make me think anything different, either. Plus, Jazz was directly in the crossfire.

And Angel.

I couldn't put either one of them in danger by being reckless and stupid. I had to plan this one out just right, in a way that wouldn't make everyone turn on me and Jazz before I got us all away from Rico.

I stayed distant during that time. And quiet. Real quiet. I rarely talked to mama or my sisters, unless I was dropping Angel off or picking her up. I definitely didn't spend much time with Tiana. I didn't want Rico thinking that he could break me through her. I didn't want them to abuse Tiana any more than she was already being abused. I saw her a few times in passing, though. She looked like life was beating her down.

Way down.

I told her that I thought I was going to hell for all of the shit that I was responsible for, including what was happening to her. I had backed all the way down from Rico the night her stepfather died, and I left her wide open. I made a promise to Tiana when I was eight years old that I would protect her, the same way that I protected Charity, and I didn't keep that promise. I was wrong, and I knew it. I wasn't a man of my word, at all, and I was nowhere near doing what daddy said that God wanted us to do. In all honesty, it wasn't just Tiana that I was falling short with, either. I wasn't protecting anyone. I couldn't stop what was happening to Tiana. I couldn't stop what was happening to Jazz. Not only could I not stop what was happening to Jazz, I was a huge part of Jazz's problem.

She got all of her drugs from me.

All of them.

I told Tiana about giving Jazz rocks when she was pregnant with Angel, and how I thought that was why Angel was too small and didn't talk much. Tiana just looked at me after I said that and put her hand lightly against my cheek. Then she tugged on my ear to make me smile.

"You're not going to hell, Kenney. You still have your wings. They're just a little bent."

I loved Tiana so much.

And I wanted to kiss her so bad.

"Tee, I...have to go." I looked around to make sure that no one saw us talking, but I'm sure someone did. Our streets had more eyes than a little bit.

My eyes.

Rico's eyes.

One and the same.

Always everywhere.

Always on everything.

Tiana nodded like she already knew the deal and walked off. I wished that I could tell her that I was avoiding her to protect her, not because I was ashamed of her. But I couldn't. This life was ruthless. These streets loved nobody. Not since me, Rico and Jazz took over. Whatever love used to live on our block had died a long time ago.

We killed it.

But this life was the only way that I knew how to live. It was the only way that I knew how to eat. And the only way that I knew how to feed my family.

I watched Tiana walk away, and then I spit on the ground and walked off in the other direction.

Jazz was getting worse.

Tiana and Charity would let me know when they saw her out in the street too much, and I would always try to spend more time at home whenever that happened. If I was there, I could keep her at home with me, and keep her supplied. I hated giving Jazz drugs. I hated it. But I hated seeing her out on the street even more. I didn't want anyone to start looking down on her. She used to be the Queen, and even if she was out of sight now, I wanted her memory to stay right where it was in everyone's minds.

Especially since Ruby had started coming around again.

Still a real bitch.

She still looked and acted the exact same.

Aunt Jazz...didn't.

And neither did mama. My family had fallen fast and hard after daddy died, but not everyone knew that. And not everyone needed to know that. Especially not Ruby. I still hated that ho and didn't want her anywhere near Jazz or Jazz's throne.

Rico was hard to read as usual. I knew from years of living with him how he operated in general, though. The higher up on his hit list that you were, the closer he kept you to him, and the more he put you on. He would do it until he just didn't need you anymore.

The thing was, Rico had always kept me close.

Real close.

I was his son. The Prince. He already had me on. I was already in charge of all the money, and had been for a very long time. Rico didn't have to do shit for days at a time because he had me. He knew that even if he didn't handle his shit, his shit would still get handled. I would hold him down, just like I always did.

Because business was still business.

And family was still family.

When it was all said and done, even though we were both scheming on each other, Rico and Jazz were the ones who were raising me.

Like parents.

And Rico was still the one making sure we all stayed fed.

All of us.

Mama, Charity and the babies, too...if Wallace didn't work out.

I would never jeopardize that. Any of that.

I would do whatever it took to keep us all on solid ground. Whatever it took. I always had.

Rico knew that I knew how to move around him, too, and not get in his way. He was the one who taught me that. How to move in any situation, surrounded by anyone or anything. I wasn't going to jeopardize my food and freedom, or anyone else's.

And he knew it.

He knew that I knew exactly how to keep my head, and how to keep my heart.

Anywhere, anytime, anyplace, for any reason.

He taught me that.

Which was why he was in no hurry to cancel the part that I played in his sick, twisted game. I could swim in a tank full of sharks and never get bit. Rico knew it, and he loved that about me.

It fed into his premonition that I was the one destined to take him to the top.

He loved it.

I hated it.

I hated sharks.

And what looked like swimming to him felt like drowning to me.

So, even though he was in no hurry to get rid of me, I was in a hurry to get us out from under him. All of us. The more time that I let pass, the more damage he was doing to almost everyone that I loved.

I couldn't have that.

From the day I was born, it had been my job to protect and take care of our women, just like daddy. And that's what I planned to do. Until the day that I breathed my last breath.

I just hated, hated that Tiana was theirs before she was mine.