Kenney: Still Waters Part 2

Chapter 80

Wallace kept coming to my room like er'day. He would walk in talking, and leave as soon as he ran out of words to say. He would talk about business, sports, politics, street politics, corporate politics, person to person politics, his grandma, God, women, life and school. He would come in with his points that he wanted to talk about for the day, and would move me from topic to topic like it was all one big conversation. I liked when he talked about his grandma the most, since I didn't have one. But all that other shit...he was giving me too much too fast. It was like he was putting me through life skills boot camp, only he was late as hell. I already knew all about life and the fucked up way the world was.

He really didn't even have to tell me anything else, but every day...every single day...he would walk through the door at 12 pm like clockwork. The man was always in the same place at the same time, had been ever since I'd known him, and I guess now my hospital room was his new 12 pm location.

Wallace would talk his ass off most about school. He would talk about how much fun he had in college, the friends he made, the new life that him and his grandmother created for him. How they did that. How she changed his whole way of thinking, of talking, of living... He told me over and over that school was my ticket out. He would say it like ten times a day. And the sport that he talked to me most about was basketball. I guess because that's what he played. I knew all about basketball by the time I was walking again, and had never even played the game.

Charity came in one day after Wallace had just finished talking my ears off for like three days straight. I missed her. I was real happy to see her and I think she could tell.

"Hey sis!"

"Hey little brother." She bent down and kissed my forehead. It was something new and weird that she started doing while I was in the hospital. I think she still wasn't 100% convinced that I wasn't about to die.

"'Sup witchya?" I smiled like I missed her and she peeped it. She grinned, but didn't say anything. "Wallace been 'bout talkin' me to death, sis."

She smiled, but still didn't say anything. I knew she was the one who put him up to it.

My eyes narrowed.

I also knew that she would be the only other person who could tell me the truth about something that had been bothering me for a while.

"Heard mama and Jazz got into it." Charity nodded and gave me a steady gaze, straight into my eyes. "'Bout me..." She nodded again. I couldn't believe that she was standing there lying to me, too. "...leavin' wit' Jazz..." She nodded a third time, still didn't say anything.

I stared Charity right back in her eyes. They were exactly like mine. We knew each other like nobody else. She just kept nodding, but wouldn't say shit.

"Jazz won the fight?" Charity nodded again. "Mama look fucked up?" Charity looked away then, and didn't answer. "Charity." I put my hand over her hand as it rested on my bedrail. She shifted on her feet, like she wanted to get out of there quick, but she stayed standing by the bed. "Mama look fucked up?"

Charity looked back at me and lied right into my eyes. "Yeah, Kenney. She does. Real bad..." Charity looked away from me again.

"Bullshit, sis." Our mama had never lost a fight a day in her life, especially not to Jazz of all people, and we both knew that. Charity especially knew that, because mama was crazy as hell, just like her.

Charity looked back up quickly, and just like that her face was hard as stone. "Kenney...I..." She looked away again. "I don't need you anymore, little brother."

She looked back at me, and her eyes looked all the way into the back of my head, just like Jazz's used to do. She took a deep breath and put her other hand on top of the hand that I already had covering hers. We stayed like that in silence for a while, and then she spoke again.

"Kenney..." a tear dropped down her face. "I don't need you anymore, and you have to go." She looked like she wanted to fold herself in half, but she stood strong anyway, because that's how we did. "You have to go with Jazz, Kenney. You have to."

She squeezed my hand tighter, and looked even further back into my eyes. Past Tiana, past Angel, past Sammy, past mama, past Jazz, past daddy...past everyone. Somehow she got past all of that and was looking dead at me. She saw me. She saw the little brother that she used to have to look out for, long before I started having to look out for her, and she knew that she was breaking me. She was breaking me the rest of the way down, after she knew that I had already been broken. I hated her for it, and she knew that, too.

"It's fucked up, but you have to go, little brother. You have to. Go with Jazz." She shook her head and looked out of the window. Wallace had gotten in the habit of leaving the blinds wide open whenever he came and left. I hated that shit. "I don't want you here anymore, Kenney, and I don't need you."

She looked at me, tough as nails. I felt soft, like water. Like I was surrounded by water all around, and I was drowning. I felt like Charity's mean ass kept shoving my head under and didn't give a shit whether I could breathe or not. I thought about Tiana right then, and felt like I didn't deserve to breathe, anyway. Definitely didn't deserve forgiveness. Or love. I didn't need it. I didn't need any of that shit. And Charity could go straight to hell with everyone else that I had already sent down there. All of them could. Straight down into hell. Fuck it. All of it. Fuck all them.

Fuck the whole entire world.

I stared at her and her face changed. She didn't want me to see it, but she was sorry. It was just too late. She had already done exactly what she had come there to do.

"You're right about it being fucked up, Charity." I nodded in agreement and wouldn't let her look anywhere but right into my eyes. I wanted her to see exactly where I was, and exactly where she would stand with me from then on. "Get the fuck out."

I meant it, and she left.

Without another word.