Cheating The Deck [boyxboy]

Cheating The Deck {16}

                I could remember the first time I thought I hated my dad.

                I was a child, still a fresh elementary school kid. The class was taking a field trip to the zoo and everyone was excited. I brought the permission slip home to my dad, grinning from ear to ear as I waited for him to put his signature on it and seal the deal.

                But he'd torn the paper in half and told me I wasn't allowed to go. He didn't trust the school to keep an eye on me. What would he do if I got hurt or lost or kidnapped? The answer was no, absolutely not. He wasn't going to risk it.

                I'd sat in my seat the next day, desperately fighting off tears as the other kids turned in their permission slips and began to talk about how fun it was going to be. None of them even noticed how upset I was.

                Then my teacher had come over and knelt next to me, asking me what was wrong. I told her what my dad said and she just smiled and said she'd talk to him when he came to pick me up.

                It had perked my mood right up. I was so excited. Surely my teacher could make my father understand that I'd be safe.

                So when he came to pick me up, she asked to talk to him. He sent me out of the room, sternly telling me to sit outside the classroom and not wander off. I obeyed him, eager to show him that I could follow orders and I'd be fine with my class.

                My smile had been uncontainable when the classroom door opened a few minutes later. He'd surely said yes and I was going to get to go.

                And yet, my teacher met my eyes and shook her head sadly. My heart had seemed to drop down into the pit of my stomach as my dad took my hand in his and urged me out of the school.

                I hated him. I hated him as he dropped me off at school to be shipped off with a class that wasn't on the field trip for the day. I hated him as I studied with a class that wasn't mine while the other students got to go off and have a fun day at the zoo.

                He was so mean. Why? Why wouldn't he let me go off on my own? Why didn't he trust me?

                Then he'd made it up to me by taking me to the zoo over the weekend, telling me that it was better because I got to stay the whole day and didn't have to follow a schedule. He let me take pictures and bought me lunch. He let me get a few things from the gift shop. He made sure to hold my hand any time we walked through a big crowd.

                "I'm not going to lose my boy," he'd told me, patting my head. "You tend to wander off. You'll get lost if you're by yourself, Ace."

                And then I'd loved him again. Because he was my dad and he was just trying to keep me safe. I was the problem. I was always the problem. If I didn't wander off, he wouldn't have to worry so much. It was my fault.

                Here I sat now, 21 years old. And I was not the damn problem anymore.

                I raked my hands through my hair, curling my fingers and tugging on my hair until it started to hurt. I grit my teeth, curled into the corner of my room.

                "I am not the problem anymore," I snarled.

                This wasn't my fault. None of this was my fault. It wasn't my fault Alexis abandoned us. It wasn't my fault the home we'd built for ourselves was crashing down around us. It wasn't my fault Jack and I were getting too close. None of it was my fault.