Dragon Dreams

Chapter 14: Downpour (1/3)

She picked up. "Yeah, it's about goddamn time you called me."

"Not the greeting I was expecting," I thought. "But Mom said to be gentle." There was no harm in being diplomatic. I figured I would just have to push through her initial frustration. "Alex, it's good to hear—"

"I need to tell you exactly how much of a goddamn selfish asshole you are." My sister spat the words with livid force, cold and biting as a winter storm. "'Cause, last time I checked, somebody who just says 'fuck it' and leaves everyone who loves them to go hide somewhere with the flimsy excuse that they need to figure their shit out? That person's an asshole. That's you, Josh!"

I had never before heard this kind of emotion from her, this anger. At least, not directed at me. My grip on the phone tightened, paw trembling slightly, as she continued. "You think you're so fucking clever or something, I swear. That note? What the fuck was that? 'Loving sacrifice' and all that bullshit. That's bullshit, Josh! You're not fooling anyone. That note was for you...you selfish p-piece of sh-shit..." Her anger dissolved into anguish. Gasping sobs crackled over the line.

"I'm s-sorry," I gulped in a voice thick with my own tears. "I was s-so scared, Alex. Scared and, yes, selfish. I convinced myself that...that it was simple. It's not simple. I was afraid, and I had to do something—I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you. Forgive me, but I would do it again. Forgive me. Please."

"You know what the hardest part is? Sitting around a table with Mom and Dad. We don't know what to do. There's so much stuff hanging over our heads, and we don't know how to talk about it. It's just a deafening silence. I've been eating in my room, if I can eat at all. Guess I'm running from things just like you. At school, people are asking all these questions that I just deflect. I thought we were going to go through this together, but now you've left us all hanging in midair. It's not fair, Josh!"

"I don't know what to say," I cut in, feeling a twinge of regret for snapping at her. There was a weight firmly lodged in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed and tried to come up with something. "I know it's not fair. Everything I could say would probably just sound like an empty excuse, but I have my reasons. Things are starting to get better, and I'm finally starting to feel a little less...I don't know, a little less powerless. I still don't expect you or Mom or Dad to understand totally, but I am getting the space I need right now. It's not always going to be like this. I promise."

She paused and chose the next words a little more carefully, which was reflected by a more even tone. "At least you called me. I'm sorry I unloaded on you like that. The anger's been building up for a little while since you left. I hope you find whatever you need, wherever you are. The stuff at home will be easier if you keep in touch. I hope you find a way to do that. I guess being mad at you isn't helping anything, but I said what I needed to say. So, uh, I guess I'll talk to you later. We all send our best, send our love. You know that, right?"

"I do. That means a lot. And what you said before, I understand the emotions and everything. There really is no script for this. But, I'm always thinking of you, and I love you too."

"Okay," my sister exhaled heavily into the phone which sent a whoosh of static into my ear. Another pause. Then she said, simply, "Goodnight, Josh."

"Goodnight, Alex."

I waited on the line until I was sure she was gone. Then I turned off the phone and chucked it back into my bag. I didn't want to dwell on the conversation too much. It happened; now it was over. "Time to sleep," I thought, sinking into a loose coil as I tried to clear my mind. The stars took the mantle of my troubled thoughts and let me slip off into forgotten dreams.

Waking up was even harder than the previous morning. The climbing left some soreness in my muscles, some of which were obviously underused (like the muscles to flex and grip with my claws). I groaned loudly as my movements ignited pain in my limbs, but it sounded more like a pained roar. Some birds took flight, alarmed. I laughed a little and tried slowly to work out the kinks, twisting my long neck and arching my back as a series of satisfying pops traveled all the way down through my tail.

I followed the same routine as the previous day: a morning wash in the waterfall followed by a meal of fish to get me through the day. Then I killed some time until Wes would be there to meet me. I did a little bit of everything: reading, climbing some more trees, sitting still and pondering the mysteries of life itself—until my nose itched and ruined my focus. I even tried to practice a little fire-breathing. With the cliff's edge in front of me, I could send some small jets of flame out into the open air to dissipate without burning down the forest. It was good to find the magic once more, and better for me to do it in a controlled setting. I found it a little easier to focus and bring out the flames each time I tried.

By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was happy to see Wes again. The fact that he was meeting up with a dragon now seemed utterly unremarkable to the boy. He greeted me without a second glance and immediately launched into a fast-paced summary of his day. I managed to keep the conversations from going back to my family for most of the afternoon. It was just another relaxed couple hours of games, tree-climbing, and normal chitchat. It was about as normal a day as I could have hoped for, and I welcomed it. It gave me a break from all the drama I had been used to.

Wes was happy to entertain me. I learned everything from his favorite food—cherry pie—to his most hated subject in school—math, and I could relate. The kid brought a smile to my snout whenever he would jump to his feet and announce some new topic that I needed to hear about. Like how wanted to be an explorer when he grew up.

"I want to go places and see things nobody's seen before!" he exclaimed. "Nobody's seen it all, right? The world is so big, and I love being outside. I can totally see myself doing that. Would you come with me when I go exploring? I could have a dragon sidekick. That would be so awesome!"

"Sure thing," I replied. "When you go on your journeys, I can be right there with you." I wish I could have framed a portrait of his radiant grin. "There's a lot I could learn from this kid about being happy all the time," I thought, remembering the heated call with my sister. "Although, days like this definitely lift my spirits too."

We spent the rest of the week following the same schedule. I would wake up to wash and eat. Then I would endure the agonizing wait until Wes came to meet me, and we would play around until he went in for dinner. The routine was exactly what I needed; having something predictable in my life was a welcome change. But on Friday, Wes didn't show up at all. I wasn't surprised; the sky was dark, and a storm was threatening overhead. Maybe his mom didn't want him going out by himself. I was starting to taste the faint electricity in the air as I ran back to my haven. It unnerved me.

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