Let Me Go (On Hold)

Chapter Eleven

Guys... One thousand reads? One thousand? Oh my heavens, ya'll are making me cry!!!! Thank you so much, so friggin much. I love you!!!!!!!!
-Oreo

"What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible."
-Theodore Roethke

----

All eyes were on me.

I looked around. Anger, sadness, and rage scrambled through my mind, demanding it to be unleashed. Jason stood there, a smile dancing on his lips. I had seen movies like this. The girl who least expects it gets it. It was so ironic, I found myself wanting to laugh in pity.

Sadness drained into me as I realized that there would be no more safety. There would be no more love, no more living. I ran my fingers through my hair, tears dripping down my cheeks. I stared at Jason, and though I knew what it might lead to, I asked him one question:

"Why?"

He stood, still grinning. In either amusement or pure evil. He was so sick. He was ill.

"Well, my dear," his pearly white teeth showed,"you will find out."
Find out.
I gaged at that last part. It was so gross. Maybe in a different world I would have felt feelings for this man, but not in the real world. I tugged at the dress I was now wearing- I learned that over the week the girls had tried their best to wash and changed me. Knowing that they had seen me naked increased my humiliation.

I murmured a prayer, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could escape this underworld.

I looked at Thalia, a disappointed expression on her face. Her lips were pursed. Immediately, I realized her face said it all- she was jealous. Jealous of me. I stared back at Jason in horror. Jealous of him choosing me?

"Jason," Thalia interrupted the large silence between everyone.

"Yes?" He turned to her. He cocked his head to the side. The gesture made shivers run down my side. He was creepy, and he scared me since day one.

"This is absurd," she whined, moving closer to him.

"No, my dear, it is not," Jason explained. He seemed to be acting weirdly... I couldn't even listen as they argued.

"I've known you longer," she told him.

This was evolving into something terrible. I knew Thalia had that Stockholm syndrome. It was just a matter of time until it finally evolved.
I started whimpering. I realized that everyday was one more day without my friends and my life.

All those small things in my life- a stupid crush, a score in a basketball game, a first place ribbon in track- they were gone.

"I need to spend time, individually, with my girls," he shot back. Thalia sat back on the bed, arms crossed in anger. She acted like some kind of little bratty girl. It made me tense.

"Jason, I think Thalia is right," I admitted, my cheeks staining with tears.

"Is that so?" He turned, glancing at Thalia as her eyes lit up. She was thanking me on the inside, I figured.

"Yes," I swallowed back my signs of fear.

He quickly made his way towards me and grabbed me by the arm. My heart thumped loudly as he put his other hand on my other arm, squeezing it tightly. He let go with the left arm and smacked me across the face. I screamed in pain as he let me go, allowing me to crash onto the floor. My dress folded up to my thighs.

"Don't ever disagree with me, ever!" he yelled. He changed so quickly, like a cloud in the sky. It was calm until it merged with more of the clouds, building up into a tornado.

"Alright," I answered, still wincing. I looked at the girls as I noticed how they did nothing to help me. I turned to the opened bathroom. Ella stared at me, her dark eyes boring into me. I now knew out of the five of us girls, we were the most sane. Ella almost seemed trapped as if something bothered her.

I scanned the room. The girls just stood there. Jason grabbed my hand, forcing me out of the room. I tugged back, trying to squeeze my hand out of his hold. I then realized that this could be my plan A.

If I could somehow make him love me, which I'm sure wouldn't be hard to do, maybe I could get him to take us outside. We could easily escape then.
I understood now what it meant to make sacrifices for others.

But it couldn't work and I was stupid. So freaking foolish.

He guided me to the room as I stopped squirming and crying. He smiled at me as we entered. The large room had a warming fireplace off to the side, with a large king-size bed against a different wall. It's brown sheets made the room feel cozy. It was a beautifully designed room...

Stop it, I scolded myself. I realized I was thinking of the real world. There was no more real world.

"Do you like it?" Jason asked hopefully.

This was my time to get him wrapped around my finger.

"I love it!" I beamed,"the fireplace is dazzling!"

"I'm glad you do," he whispered, letting go of his grip on my hand. Shivers went up my spine. He pushed me down on the bed and started playfully tickling me. I pretended to laugh, though I was so close to puking. His hands were touching me all over.

This was turning into a cheesy fantasy movie.

I felt like bursting into tears. I felt so guilty of doing this. He continued tickling me until he stopped, gently kissing my neck. It felt good... I've never been appreciated like this before.

Stop! I screamed in my mind. I smiled falsely, pretending I was enjoying it. He lured his mouth to my lips, then lightly kissing me. I wanted to vomit. I convinced myself to hold it together as his tongue wandered in my mouth. Gosh, it was so gross. This was officially turning into a stupid movie. I was ready to let it all go. The tears, the vomiting, the screaming. He began reaching under my dress.

"Jason," I pleaded,"I'm not ready yet."

He looked up at me with sadness.

"Okay, whenever you want," He let go, still lingering next to me. I still laid on the bed. I lightly pushed his chest away.

I felt exposed. Ruined. Destroyed. Any word but happy. I was never going to pull this off. My life was gone.

"Why did you pick me?" I asked.

Wrong question, Alana. He stopped and looked at me.

"You're the most special out of them all. My favorite cloud in the sky," he smiled. I imagined for a moment that my crush, Carson Harris had said that. I smiled at the thought, but then it faded. It wasn't him. This wasn't my life.

"Thank you," I whispered, staring at the end of my dress.
•••
After dinner, those words drifted in my head. When I laid in bed next to Jason, I thought about my past life. The only way I could get that back is if I cooperate. I silently cried, as the words repeated in my head more and more.

You're the most special out of them all. My favorite cloud in the sky.

I couldn't fall asleep after that.