Trans Boy

seventeen. depression is the best anticure

jesus this story is getting lame. i'm honestly running out of inspiration/motivation and school is starting to really kick my ass. plus it feels like i'm constantly sick so sorry all these chapters are me being super lame.

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No one really spoke to me. I didn't mind. I didn't want to be the guy who put everyone in a bad mood and made them all down as well. They were having fun and I was glad.

Thus being said, Theo wouldn't leave me alone. He refused to leave me when there was an activity and sat with our table at every meal. He didn't talk much to me, just stayed close and didn't seem to want to give me space. In some way I wasn't sure I realized, he was making me feel secure and it was amazing. It was something I only got from a couple people back home.

We were sitting on a good-sized space of grass by the a few cabins clustered together with some random people. Zaila and Theo were the only people I recognised, and I knew they didn't know the other people, but they clearly didn't care and were fine with just talking to them and being friends. It was impressive how naturally it came to them to just talk to people. I had a hard enough time looking away from my feet to talk to Jango, much less random people I'd never met.

"You good?"

I looked away from my shoes. Theo still had his arm linked with mine and was chatting away with a girl who had cartoon-yellow hair in high pigtails on her head. She had an annoying laugh but a pretty smile and a good soul. That was the best kind of smile-laugh combo possible.

Zaila pushed her hair from her face and deadpanned. "Are you?"

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

Zaila rolled her eyes. "Boy, you're all kinds of stupid."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Stop," Theo muttered between talking to me and the girl. He didn't look away from her but turned his head to me so no on else would hear him. She didn't seem to notice. She was weaving a flower crown of daisies and the twig-of-a-boy beside her was supplying said flowers. He was wearing overalls and it was adorable. I hated that they were putting me in a better mood. Why was this whole scene so cliché?

I laid back, keeping my knees bent and stretching my arms over my head onto the grass behind me. Theo moved accordingly. I didn't get why he wanted physical contact with me—especially right now. I was a mess and I was being bitter and ruining all their days yet here he was, being sweet and caring and wonderful.

The clouds pushed slowly from the left to the right, the sun actually hidden by a cabin and completely blocked from ruining my vision. I sighed. I wondered what Maddie and Avery and Mum and Dad were up to. Or what my friends were doing. I was so used to wasting summer at one of their houses, pretending like we were really related and that my family just didn't exist.

I missed staying out past curfew and having to hide from the cops. Or just walking or biking or skateboarding for hours on end with no designation, just going through the city or suburbs until something exciting happened. I missed the shitty fast food we bought in the middle of the night and the horror movies we'd stay up watching, insisting they didn't scare us even though we'd all huddle into one bed. I missed us all collectively sharing one wardrobe and seeing each other in our own clothing.

I missed the parks and the animals and the little annoying siblings. I missed having to ask for rides despite the anxiety they gave me because a movie I wanted to see wasn't at our theatres yet and I needed to see it right then. I missed the days when Mum and I would go to the mall or to Target or IKEA and waste the day because we weren't fighting and it was fun.