Trans Boy

twenty-three. going home

Danny stood anxiously by the makeshift, gravelly parking lot he'd been dropped off in months before. He stood between Theo and Zaila, his arm around her thin waist and his other hidden behind Theo, holding his hand. They tried to calm each other, but Danny was close to crying and Zaila had been there for a while now. Theo held a stoic face.

They'd watched Carlos leave first, his parents hugging him earnestly. His mom whispered something to him that Danny didn't catch, but Carlos smiled, wiped his face, and nodded. Had he been crying? They hadn't caught much of him that day besides his phone number. Danny would make sure he could get in contact with everyone again soon.

Next had been Chrissie. She sniffled and her eyes were red, but she pulled on her shirt and tugged at her skirt hem instead of crying. She'd scratched her leg pretty rough and her nails were back to her real, plain nails now. She'd bit them to the bone from anxiety the past week. Danny felt horrible not being able to help.

Roami was busy trying to convince Cody it would be okay. She would run away and take her with her, somewhere south like Portland. They knew it wasn't far enough to get away from where they came from, but it was far enough for a while. It would take work, and Cody was scared it would fall back on them, but Roami wouldn't hear it. They were too enveloped in a tight, secure hug while Roami whispered little nothings to Cody to realise their parents were there. Cody's weren't happy, but Roami's made a scene.

Danny almost smirked as he watched with Theo and Zaila. He knew Roami had no problem making a scene back, especially since everyone there knew her and knew the better side of her that wasn't making her parents grow red in the face. He noticed her dad's hand move into a fist before he opened it fully and stretched it like he was chanting a mantra to himself to keep his cool in public. Danny was grateful she could put up a fight. He'd memorized her phone number two weeks earlier, both of them repeating it constantly instead of any conversation. Cody's was scrawled on his knee under the black jeans he got from Carlos.

Theo rubbed small circles into Danny's hand with his thumb, kissing his forehead gently. Danny had too much anxiety about how his mother would react. He watched as April and Rhoni were picked up. He nodded at Jango and Jeremy when he saw him mouth, 'are you okay?' He wasn't so sure he was, but he wasn't going to let him know that.

Next was Theo. He hugged Danny the same way Cody and Roami had and Zaila stepped away to give them space. She tried to stop crying, looking at the sky and wiping her cheeks with her sleeve. Her hair was no longer the vibrant purple it had been before and Danny felt the same way. This had been an eye-opening experience he truly needed, but he was faded. He felt like the laundry they used to hang in the backyard, leaving it out for hours to dry to conserve energy. He always hated doing that. Now he knew why.

"It'll work out. Things always do." Theo reminded him before stepping back and nodding at his father. He didn't acknowledge his parents in any way except to nod and follow them to a nice, sleek black BMW. Danny felt sick, like he was going to throw up and pass out. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the food, or maybe it was his anxiety. He knew it was probably all of them.

Zaila met him again, standing beside him and hugging his shoulders. He sniffled and shoved his hand in his pocket. He was still wearing Theo's hoodie. It was too hot for it, but he couldn't give it back with his parents right there. Besides, he didn't think he was strong enough to.

She tried to say something when her parents got there. They stood outside their car, both of them glaring from across the parking lot. She rolled her eyes and held up a finger as if to say 'just a second.' Her mom tapped her foot angrily, her hands on her hips while her father tapped his watch and widened his eyes slightly. They were dressed extremely nice.

"They're mad because they're supposed to be in a business meeting right now," she said with a sigh. She was done crying now, her sadness replaced with anger and resentment. She hugged him one more time as quickly as she could and took her bags to the car. She dropped them by the back and Danny watched her ignore her mother's yelling, which could be heard all the way back where the counsellors all stood. Danny had yelled at Jango earlier when she tried to tell him it wouldn't be too bad back at home. He knew it was bullshit and he didn't want to convince himself it might be better. He couldn't handle that disappointment.

"Hi, baby!" His mom nearly shouted, walking quickly over to him. Her purse was at her elbow, on it's way to her shoulder as her arms raised and she met his eyes. She hugged him tightly, smiling with her teeth and mouth open. "How was your summer? I missed you!"

There was something wrong. She didn't say anything about his hair, she didn't comment on his binder under his shirt - she put her hand on his back and led him towards the car. Avery and Maddie stood by her blue Toyota and both looked empty.

Maddie made herself smile, feeling it a little more as she hugged Danny.

"Binding?" She whispered into his ear, making the hug last as long as she could. He nodded slightly, hoping their mother wasn't listening. Avery was already telling him about her summer with her friends and all the sleepovers she had. He listened as she told him about their dad spending more time at work and barely got to mention that he took the car somewhere for a while before their mother hushed her.

They were halfway home, driving in utter silence, before she said, "We seperated."

Danny didn't know what to say. It definitely explained why she hadn't been too focused on him, barely listening when he told them about his summer. He didn't see the point in lying but he did avoid some stories, like sharing a cabin with two boys and a non-binary person. His mother would have just scoffed at the 'interesting new terms you kids come up with these days,' anyway, and he didn't tell her about how they asked who he really was. He told her they cut his hair and he got some clothes from a friend, though. He also avoided Theo as much as he could. He would tell Maddie about it when he had time.

"Why?" He asked after thinking. There wasn't anything better to say. He didn't feel sorry for her or about it, not even for Avery. He wasn't a good father just because he was absent.

His mother breathed in deeply. "We had to work out some issues and he decided to ignore them instead. He left and hasn't answered any texts, so I sent the papers to his work. If he still shows up there, that is."

Avery was looking out the window like she couldn't hear them. Danny touched her shoulder gently, wondering how much this was affecting her. Maddie met his eyes in the mirror out her door and she made a face like she was shrugging her shoulders, saying 'no point in crying.' He agreed. Maybe this was better.

"I like your hair," she said softly after a minute. His mother didn't react and he nodded again. Maddie smiled. Maybe this would actually be better.

this was something i threw together in like, ten minutes. i'm not sure where i wanted this story to go, but i'm almost okay with this. it feels like closure i've been needing. also, sorry for being so absent. i think i'm going to try and write the other one a little more, too.

i couldn't stand writing this last chapter in first person. i didn't know how else to start it when i got the idea for this book, but as it developed i started wishing it was in third. sorry about that, twenty chapters later. anyway, enjoy, i hope this was a good enough ending, and sorry.

i also have some like, pinterest boards for these guys, as well as an instagram i'm going to start soon, if the ending was too fucked and you don't want to let go like me . . . 😭😭😭

okay, bye for real on this story now. message me if you're curious about the boards or anything.